Two powerful awareness coming forth today. First, my spiritual ego has adored being acknowledged as an “expert,” known about town as a “gifted” therapist. To maintain that place of prominence, to sooth feelings of unworthiness I used to be willing to play expert in my work, to come from a one up position, to whip out my tool bag and fix any client’s “problems.” To be seen as of service, to be above with answers. In the last weeks that has no longer flown and I have been guided to let that go with commensurate survival fears arising along with a subtle yet profound fear of punishment for daring to defy convention.. Over the last two years I have chosen to let go of the belief that I am sustained by money, that money, rather than the Love of God, is my Source. One more opportunity to let go because the lack of integrity was too uncomfortable to bear, even though it was just a little nudge. This has shifted the way I show up with clients and one client in particular is my angel shining the way, while another had me shaking as I feared the relationship would crumble. Here is what I know, my relationship with myself, mySelf is too vital to compromise. I must follow my heart where it leads. Big surprise, when I came clean it went wonderfully. Also no surprise to lean one of my TTC sister’s is going through the same unraveling of being the expert, having to perform. One mind, yahoo! What a relief!
The other is witnessing how I have been blocking my good myself. I have been reflecting on how long it took for me to overcome my fears of being a parent, kept putting this joy off until the 11th hour and then witnessing it as one of the greatest joys of my life (yes, after navigating some choppy terrain with a very strong willed being arriving to play the role of my daughter.) So I have done the same with committing to a holy intimate relationship with a man. So my marriage ended 7 years ago even though it still continued in form for many months longer. In our hearts , it was over 7 years ago yesterday. I spent years digging up profound dependency, control issues, criticism etc. But at some point i had cleaned enough yet still let fear keep me from committing. Yes, I totally know I am not alone with this. I have heard seemingly “tragic” stores of how people have let fear stop them from going after their deepest dreams. No more I say. Let’s commit together. I declare March 3rd universal, planetary commitment day. What lingers in your heart? What dreams have you buried so deep you barely remember it, them? Dig it up, polish it off and commit with me. Where two or more are gathered, there He is present. Let’s do this! Feel free to share in the comments what dream you are committing to and your current level of commitment. together, yes we can!!!!!!!!!!