I had such a big awareness on my trip to San Francisco. We went on a Saturday and I assumed we’d miss most of the holiday traffic. I was dismayed to be crawling toward the city, traveling a few miles in half an hour. There would be moments where traffic began to flow, only to come to a screeching halt. I had planned to be in the city before dark, swearing i would never put myself through the stress I had experienced in November driving in the city after dark. So as my best laid plans fell apart, I began to complain. My daughter had headphones on. She asked me what I was saying. I said just complaining to myself. She said good and put her headphones back on.
We finally arrived with me swearing never to come into the city during the holidays again, very stressed in my body, exhausted by the tension. My daughter started gripping and my immediate response was, I am the one who had to drive, you got to sit and listen to music, how dare you complain! I wanted to ream her for her attitude, pulling the parent card, you can’t talk to me like this. But I took a deep breath and saw it all so clearly. She even said, “I had to be in the car with you.” At first that made me furious but then I got it. She had to sit right next to me, absorbing my stress, picking up my tension with her ultra sensitivity. Of course she was grouchy, she was just letting off steam just as I had done with my campaigning. So after my initial outburst of “how dare you”, I took a deep breath, stayed quiet and let it go, realizing it was a normal response to stress. Sure enough within minutes she linked her arm in mine, leaned into me for a hug. In the past that would have made me crazy. This time I got it and sighed in relieve that I had avoided adding more stress to our already tense bodies. We both just let it go and all was well.
How often do we as parents question our children’s speech or attitude, not seeing how we contributed to or actually created the dynamic. Sure was an eye opener for me.
This somewhat enacts what I am referring to: https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=829184923786611&set=vb.158352134203230&type=2&theater