This is me, I was known as Suzie when young. Feels to me like there is an inner child revolution going on. For all my fellow love revolutionaries, the sense I have is it is time to ditch the obsession with our divinity and get down in the soil of our humanity and our inner children are lighting the way. Thank you, Suzie, for having such a powerful voice and not taking no for an answer. You would not accept the party line: “be quiet, I am busy honoring my life purpose so please go play and leave me alone.” By honoring your needs, vulnerabilities, and voice, I literally feel integration occurring. Thank you for being the playful wild card in my life.
Felt moved to write on this topic again:
This latest wave of energy was a real ass kicker for me. Just want to share what has come up for me as I see it in a few clients, friends, etc. Definitely fits with what I heard in the first half hour of the newest Matt video. My birthday was over a week ago and my conditioning had me equate love and gifts. I saw this pattern for the first time probably as a teen but did not really dial it in until 20 years ago. Once I saw it I tried to get others to honor my needs by telling them how important gifts were to me. That worked for years until I got controlling and manipulative and my gift slaves rebelled. Then I tried to squash that neediness with nonattachment and I got better and better but every year would still feel grumpy and charge. This year was the clincher. When I got one very small unwrapped gift on my birthday I went bonkers inside and was super grumpy even though thank you god did not take it out on family. But here’s what the whole thing taught me. I had been freaking attached to non-attachment like a Nazi trying to hunt down and destroy any neediness. My inner child was crying all those years and I just got better at locking her up in the closet and silencing her. This year when I was pissy despite my delicious birthday dinner it all fell into place. I apologized to Suzie (inner child) and asked her what she needed. I told her I could not make others give her things and it hadn’t worked to buy her things myself so clearly things were not the answer. My loving attention and compassion were the answer and all she had ever really needed.
So when mother’s day rolled around and my daughter made it clear that for her it was a corporate trick she wanted no part of, conditioned by her dad who told me for years I had to choose birthday or mother’s day as they are so close together. I didn’t even try to go there. I woke up and sat with Suzie, cuddling her, telling her how I appreciate her. I acknowledged what a dedicated mother I am and told myself what a stellar job I have done. I can not describe the feeling but it was like something clicked and I felt completely satisfied. I picked flowers for myself, light a candle, created an altar. I honored myself! No surprise now I needed nothing, some gifts came my way.
Here’s my take away. We have spent all these years trying to be so divine we want to crush the human one who suffers. That is a no go. Seems MAtt’s video is on to the same theme and I look forward to seeing the rest. No more trying to ditch my humanity like an old pair of shoes. I am human and divine and for me, it is about loving both aspects of my inherent nature.This latest wave of energy was a real ass kicker for me. Just want to share what has come up for me as I see it in a few clients, friends, etc. Definitely fits with what I heard in the first half hour of the newest Matt video. My birthday was over a week ago and my conditioning had me equate love and gifts. I saw this pattern for the first time probably as a teen but did not really dial it in until 20 years ago. Once I saw it I tried to get others to honor my needs by telling them how important gifts were to me. That worked for years until I got controlling and manipulative and my gift slaves rebelled. Then I tried to squash that neediness with nonattachment and I got better and better but every year would still feel grumpy and charge. This year was the clincher. When I got one very small unwrapped gift on my birthday I went bonkers inside and was super grumpy even though thank you god did not take it out on family. But here’s what the whole thing taught me. I had been freaking attached to non-attachment like a Nazi trying to hunt down and destroy any neediness. My inner child was crying all those years and I just got better at locking her up in the closet and silencing her. This year when I was pissy despite my delicious birthday dinner it all fell into place. I apologized to Suzie (inner child) and asked her what she needed. I told her I could not make others give her things and it hadn’t worked to buy her things myself so clearly things were not the answer. My loving attention and compassion were the answer and all she had ever really needed.
So when mother’s day rolled around and my daughter made it clear that for her it was a corporate trick she wanted no part of, conditioned by her dad who told me for years I had to choose birthday or mother’s day as they are so close together. I didn’t even try to go there. I woke up and sat with Suzie, cuddling her, telling her how I appreciate her. I acknowledged what a dedicated mother I am and told myself what a stellar job I have done. I can not describe the feeling but it was like something clicked and I felt completely satisfied. I picked flowers for myself, light a candle, created an altar. I honored myself! No surprise now I needed nothing, some gifts came my way.
Here’s my take away. We have spent all these years trying to be so divine we want to crush the human one who suffers. That is a no go. Seems MAtt’s video is on to the same theme and I look forward to seeing the rest. No more trying to ditch my humanity like an old pair of shoes. I am human and divine and for me, it is about loving both aspects of my inherent nature.
