On reality, full moon and innocene:
My mentor Nouk introduced me to the vital nature of seeing only innocence and recognizing ego as merely a filter distorting our vision. Yet the fact is, when I was caught in the egoic filter, I could not, would not see my own innocence Only 38 weeks of having my innocence reflected to me through my TTC family, despite often being caught in ego was the magic that allowed me to finally see. The full moon is likely to be surfacing a lot of dross. It is our choice (ultimately, once we clear enough internally to see the choice) whether or not to go into self attack or to simply be in deep gratitude that these powerful energies are flushing up the false egoic thought patterns to be repurposed from the distorted miracle impulse.
It is so easy to attack ourselves as we become aware of the ego surfacing. Like old time religion, we beat our self up with a million mea culpas for getting lost in ego. This is a distorted miracle impulse to return to the Love that we are. Yet this self flagellation has the exact opposite affect (effect? never can get that one.) It just enmeshes us further in the seeming cement of ego.
Darlings, innocence is the answer, every time. So what, we get caught in the ego. How wonderful that these energies are flushing it all to the surface. A power situation surfaced ego for me in the last days. Two situations arose that I perceived I had not handled well. I was aware I had not been coming from my True self and my super ego goes on high alert and self attack. It even tries to masquerade as helpful as in “you said you wanted to find ego, I, my dear, will support you by being on constant alert for how you are “f”ing this up. I will poke and prod you constantly.” In other words we use ego to search for ego! The darling little ego is only too happy to comply and can lead us on an endless goose chase, making all our “sins” real. Innocence is the answer. If we can find others who only reflect back to us our innocence, the jig is up. I found this with my TTC family ( new group starting May 1 with Coreen.)
So in the one situation I asked 2 people for feedback, in the other I did the same. I was lost in self criticism in both situations. Yet when the people I asked only reflected innocence to me, the bubble burst. They were honest and pointed out where I might be in error yet did so while maintaining my innocence which makes all the difference. Most if not all of us are so lost in self attack we need some powerful allies to snap us out of it. In the one situation, the person shared with me all the ways I might be doing it wrong. This person was perhaps accurate in the assessment and was the perfect foil to surface my powerful inclination toward self criticism and thus self attack. Then I spoke with someone who was actually with me in the situation and she immediately asked me (thanks Georgia) if I might be lost in self criticism! I realized I had no clue what actually happened, what was “real.” She and I had totally different experiences of what occurred. It reminded me of another situation that for me was one of the most blissful of my life yet for the other person had deeply triggered him. Which was “real?” I finally get it, what my mentor Nouk say over and over, you can’t forgive it if you see it as real. I was like what the hell does that mean. It is finally dawning on me. Until we wake up, everything is just a projection of the movie of our ego filter telling us what is happening. There is no ultimate reality at that level.
So yea, don’t be surprised if today’s full moon is kicking up a storm. Use it to ride the wave to freedom. Whatever is unfolding, know I will be holding you in innocence. I finally get why that is so vital which adds fuel to my fire of seeing only innocence. When it comes to seeing a loved one’s innocence even when she is lost in rage and anger, that had eluded me until now. I wanted to blame her for being a “downer.” I now see it was only my remaining challenges with anger after a childhood with a raging parent that made that one so hard to swallow. I see how that charge has been slowly dissipating. Perhaps now it will evaporate as this loved one no longer needs to play the role of fairy godmother, poking me until I wake up from the nightmare of guilt and separation. Beloveds, may you ride the full moon energy right back to your own innocence. Big love to you.
