being authentic

I am in a year-long group called the Total Transformation Course. I just finished the homework for week #28 and it blew me away. So much about it speaks to my heart. One huge piece for me is in becoming even more radically honest. My friends say to me, but you are already so authentic, honest, vulnerable, transparent. True enough, but not 100% It is a very scary intense shift from 88%- to 100% I have spent the last few months cleaning up a few important ”withholds” with people, places where I was not being 100% honest, holding back disagreement or feeling of separation. It is exhilarating to witness the inner freedom and respect that ensue.
Now in this week’s TTC group, they are taking it even deep, asking that we call each other forward if we see where another is not totally aligned with their heart and truest self. Wow, the brakes are off. Part of the exchanged involved the most efficient way to wake up and the ways that psychotherapy can tie us to ego and the body. In 2005 I radically changed the way I work to dive deeply into cellular memory and release the toxicity stored there. In 2012 I shifted my inner and outer work again radically to a much more heart-centered, graceful process. Now I am being called into another paradigm. I am always a bulldog on a pork chop to determine the most efficient, graceful way to remember the Truth of who we are. I see the handwriting is on the wall for another shift. I tend to get impatient when I can not immediately act from subtle new awareness so I am choosing to be gentle as the dust settles.
This much I know, it comes from truly joining at the heart, it comes for the way I witness myself and others. It comes from not believing you and I are problems to be solved, that our challenges are real or insurmountable. IT comes from only see with the eyes of the Mystery only seeing our majesty and letting the rest fade from view. It worked a charm with a loved one this weekend not to buy the problem, something I am used to doing for myself yet had not yet translated into my relationships with those closest to me. It also comes from not buying an old grievance, not reacting from ego despite a million reasons why I would be right to do so. At moments I had to have hand to mouth not to speak or act from the old wounds, the old resentments. It meant that I had to let things not go my way, let go of my firm position, let go of being right. Ah, dear friends, my ego was kicking and screaming yet my heart was dancing a jig of celebration and harmony reigned throughout.

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