I had a very telling experience at the jail Thursday at our mindfulness group. We were asking the men about what came up in their bodies regarding various emotions. One man said anger made him literally pass out. The responses were varied and powerful. Then I asked what came up with love. When one man answered pain I felt sadness shoot through my heart. I asked him about it and he spoke of how he used to always answer “soon” when is young son asked him when he’d get out. The last time his son asked he knew he could no longer falsely answer soon. To have to tell him he did not know when he’d get out caused so much pain.
Then I asked about my other favorite emotion, joy. I have such positive associations to love and joy that when the man said joy creates embarrassment I was truly puzzled and curious. For him, it creates guilt that he is doing/feeling better than another. These responses gave me great pause. I neither know what conditioning created such cross wired emotions for these men, nor what behaviors/ crimes this has led them to. All I do know is, for me, it gave/gives me such a strong wave of deep compassion. I bow as the sorrows of the world shape shift and distort behavior. May we all find our true hearts and live from that Home.
.
