finding our true self

The deeper in consciousness we go, the more ironical and parodical it seems to become. As we go through the most intense phase of ego unraveling, it seems everything goes wrong and the ground beneath our feet may feel as though it is liquifying. It is so easy to get lost in self blame and judgment, feeling like we are the only one so totally screwed. It may seems as though no matter what we do, everything keeps falling apart. It may be super difficult to hang on to even a morsel of trust or faith. How could a caring Universe let us fall into such torment? Yet as we slowly come out of this period of falling apart, we discover we are not who we thought we were. The great paradox is the less attention we give to our problems, to our challenges, the freer we feel, the more open we are and, the great irony, the less problems we have! Yet to have the faith to surrender and trust, let go of trying to solve our problems, of seeing ourself AS a problem, not so easy.
One way to begin to make this shift away from an identity as a problematic self is to begin to serve someone or something. This automatically shifts our awareness away from so much focus on our “problems.” A spaciousness may begin to arise, an inner emptiness that paradoxically leads to the greatest sense of fulfillment. As the false self drops away, we come to our own True self and greet ourselves with a deep sense of inner belonging. Then we are free to let others be as they are, not needing their approval, love or even support. This feeling of inner homecoming is indescribable but feels so succulent after eons out in the desert of loss when we not capable of Remembering our own Infinite being.
In my own life, just last week I was able to observe this contrast within. As I did two presentation at a local high school, the difference was so startlingly clear. In the first I was stuck a bit in my own mind, trying to follow the advice I was given by a teenager about speaking with teenagers. I got lost in seeing teenagers as “other”, lost in trying to meet others expectations of how I should speak. I spoke from a self conscious stance. Yet in my second presentation, all of that dropped away and I spoke authentically from my heart. I threw caution and self consciousness to the wind and spoke with total vulnerability and honesty. I felt fabulous and, no surprise, was met with such enthusiasm. Then again at the jail, as I felicitated mindfulness, the flow and sense of authentic beingness was so profound as to be euphoric. Obviously this motivates me to return to this level of realness. It keeps surprising me that the more I focus on serving others, extending love rather then seeking it, the more myself I feel, the more peaceful and spacious I am and the more love it seems I have as I more fully Remember the Love that we all are.