same same or same different?

ok, I don’t know why this feels so significant but I want to get this down before I forget in the fog. Two days ago I braided my hair while wet so it made this interesting pattern when dry. I said to my daughter, looks like when we crimped it once, which had taken a long time to do. She said, no it does not. Now this use to be one of our old sources of conflict. The no it isn’t, yes it is argument over trivia. I used to get so caught in being right. But I have now trained myself to stay quiet and allow the discomfort of NOT being right. I felt a little energy churn in my gut but stayed with it. As I sat with it longer I realized something important. My daughter had actually gone on to say it was different as this pattern in my hair was a wave and with the crimper it was a V. I was like huh!?! To me that is a barely noticeable difference. What if to her it is a significant difference. What if in her reality it is very noticeable and we just perceive it very differently. What if so many of our previous tiffs were about different perceptions rather then power struggles or her being willful, stubborn or just argumentative as I used to perceive it. Mind you I never took time to notice I was being willful, stubborn or argumentative, oh no!
When we were in Asia, they often used the terms same same or same different. Same same was identical. Once my boyfriend gave someone a shirt to copy, There were many excellent seamstresses who would make inexpensive copies of clothes. She asked same same? and he said yes. So the new shirt came back with a fruit loop (remember those) on the back of the shirt and with a tiny tear. The original shirt had a tear so to make it identical, she tore the new shirt! We laughed and called it a cultural difference. But when it is someone in our own family, our neighborhood, it can become the source of a feud. This struck me so powerfully that so much behavior i had LABELED argumentative might have been a genuine difference in perception. Let me tell you, it is giving me pause.