I am so aware of how comparison has thwarted me for so much of my life. When I was in soul shaking grief and terror, I felt so alone, like no one else was having such intensity. I felt like I was defective, given my level of sensitivity, doomed to live an isolated live. While the comparison is now much more subtle, it is still there. Why is my dear friend sailing through these times with nary a concern? Why are some in bliss while I still am in a place that does not feel good nor bad, sometimes great sometimes shit? OK Matt Kahn says we don’t need to clear anymore. On some level I get this, I think the key is to take the “I” out of it, “I” don’t need to clear, the clearing happens on its own. One of the things that keeps me motivated is seeing how profoundly my relationship with my daughter has shifted. There was such unity and harmony when she was a baby so broke my heart when we started to fight as she got older, huge power struggles as she is very strong willed. TO have moved through that back to harmony and deep love is on of the greatest gifts of my life and motivates me to stay the course. Yesterday listening to a call with Matt someone posted, he said we must first love our own hearts until we have the relationships, the success we yearn for, until we are the parents we want to be. I felt so incredibly grateful to know that I AM the parent I always yearned to be. To have this heartfelt desire alive after years of confusion and struggle, ah such a gift.
remembering the joy of being
