Today I gave a brief introduction to the class I will be facilitating tomorrow at a local church. The congregation sang a song about purpose and I noticed how empowered I feel in my clear sense of purpose. I awaken every morning wondering how I can share any insights or wisdom I have gathered through the night. I am constantly considering and being present to any tickles guiding me to say or do anything. I was listening to Sandra Water’s post http://www.sandrawalter.com/ascension-path-equinox-and-christ-consciousness/ (thanks Sara) and was super struck by one small statement she made about those that had been grounded for the last years to a state of non functionality. She said they now have the energy to write the blogs, teach those newly awakening. I felt a wave of judgment that still lingered lift off me. I still carried a mild judgment how my level of being comatose for so long had lead to my primary activity for years being hammock time. I was concerned how that low functionality had affected my role as a parent. I knew that my awakening self love and love of my daughter were a huge benefit to her yet I worried that my inability to do many normal parent things like cleaning the house, cooking beyond super basic level, volunteering for field trips etc. may have affected her. In that moment the last vestiges of the judgment, I hope, were removed and I truly SAW how monumental this task has been, how powerfully that positions me now in a place to be of true service and how that helps me be PRESENT with my daughter, which Eckhart Tolle says is the best thing any parent can do. Remembering how difficult those years were for our whole family, I wondered if my daughter could have been spared any of that challenging time. Intellectually I know she could not yet my heart still grieves.
I am hearing so many people facing MAJOR challenges. I feel that part of the reason I am not being hit so hard NOW is my strong sense of purpose and service, not in an “OMG I’ve got to save the world” way, but in a “I am the world and the world is me so I delight and playing the role of service” kind of way. My sense is that having a purpose whether it be watering your plants, petting your dog, feeding a homeless person or mediating daily really assist us in experiencing greater ease. The Pele Report calls March “boot camp” month. Any lingering wounds or limitations are being kindly raised to the surface for wholing. The ride can be a little bumpy for sure, made smoother by purpose. Yet remember your innocence. If you do not have a clear sense of purpose that is fine. Just ask your inner child, in his or her own timing, to lift the veil and reveal your heart’s true desire.
UPDATED:
When I woke up this morning something that had been niggling me about this post became clear. I am now able to be of service BECAUSE I have cleared enough obstacles to have the space to do it heartfully. Before I wanted to do it as a preview of my soul’s desire and purpose and partially because of spiritual obedience, hoping to gain favor with a judgmental god. In my experience, if we try to move into service prematurely it can create a big mess. Some therapist I know kind of scare me and I know I would not want anyone close to me seeing them. In initially and really always, our service must be to our own hearts. I am noticing since the grief some weeks ago that the part inside that woke up is now capable of an exquisite level of self care that surpasses anything I have known. Since I came out of the extreme exhaustion a few days ago, I feel more grounded, more solid, more present than I ever have in my life. The proof was when someone close to me was in a cold anger and I not only stayed neutral, I was able to help the person stay present to the feeling and move through it into tears. That is MAJOR for me. I also notice planning is going out the window as I allow things to unfold in the moment. I note my intention of having people and resources flow to me effortlessly is showing up with increasing frequency. When I spoke publicly for the first time in years in front of a larger group yesterday and last week, I had no accompanying nervousness, jitters, worry about what I would say. I had just a small idea and then trusted my words would flow and they did.
For years I perceived myself as lazy, broken, defective, not valuable as the years went on where I spent endless time laying around in a hammock praying for relief. It was hard to see the immense value of those time, the huge contribution i was, we are making. When I once berated myself for doing so little, for not working, my guides set me straight in a hurry, saying I was doing, we are doing the hardest work on the planet. Now I say yes and amen. I truly see what a monumental contribution we light players (formerly known as light workers, now known as light players as I am so done with WORK and so ready to play) have done for the planet. I am like a proud mama, so delighted by what each of you has contributed with your transmuting of the energies. Darlings, do you KNOW what a gift you are? I sure know it and hope you do too.