freedom in relationship

I recently had a huge healing in a relationship with a relative. Twenty years ago I did a relationship project as part of my training to get my Master’s in Counseling Psychology. We were to take one of our most difficult relationships and devise a strategy to shift the dynamics. While I was diligent in my approach, my efforts came to naught as I ended the project as sad and hurt as I began. Now I know a lot of it was projected, disowned material I had not resolved before my father died decades ago at a young age. Still, despite numerous attempts over the years, I could not come to peace. I tried again about a year and a half ago. I finally could see how blind I had been, unable to see all the ways I was hurtful, thoughtless, insensitive. When I could finally truly see, I had to eat a lot of humble pie. So when I confessed and offered my apologies, I was sure I had finally healed. Nope, not by a long shot. My words were met with acceptance but no ownership that it takes two to tango, no response to my request to discuss what had happened, no acknowledgment of this person’s part or ways their behavior had hurt me. I was livid and returned to my resentment and anger. Now, years later I was motivated by a memorial service to clear my side of the entanglement. I called with zero expectations after a cut off that was almost complete and had lasted for the better part of 12 years. Even a visit that had seemed to bring peace had not shifted the central dynamic. So I called out of the blue, spoke as though we had talked yesterday instead of 5 years earlier and was able to be completely at peace. Formerly I had gotten headaches often when we spoke. I had no expectations, carried no grudge, no need for apologies, no need for anything. I was surrounded by my own self love that was finally strong enough to hold me, no matter what. Believe me when I tell you the taste of liberation is oh so sweet.