Imperialism, patriarchy, parenting

There is something rotten in the state of parenting. I have yet to uncover exactly where the paradigm is skewed put I have some inklings about it. Here are the words coming to me this morning. Imperialism, patriarchy, dictatorship, tyranny. I have seen many families fit into one or more of these categories. I have also seen profound sea change in families. I love my daughter’s Waldorf based school and the incredible dedication and love I see in so many parents. I spoke to a parent for several hours yesterday and our deeply loving and respectful conversation warmed my heart. Her son, a freshman in high school was so empathetic and kind as we discussed a challenge I was having. Yet later I spoke to another parent about her adult son and she used words like rescuing, victim, enabling and so on. Those words were accurate for the situation yet I noticed how my heart became polarized and went from warm and loving to critical and judging. I was ready to take up my sword and revisit a trouble spot in my parenting role. I can tell you for sure what would have happen if I approached any issue from that energy- CONFLICT and hurt, angry feelings.

My childhood family was a dictatorship with many elements of tyranny, certainly patriarchal and yea, a bit imperialistic too. Shew, not a fun place for any of us including, I am imagining, the dictator himself.

I allow myself to speak of these things as both my parents are no longer in the physical. I know the internal damage this system caused. I also know that I still get caught in rescue and feeling like certain aspects of the parenting paradigm do come with a sense of entitlement by the child. I have said recently, slavery is officially against the law yet I can feel myself responding in a slave like fashion to make up for residual guilt I feel for being a less than perfect parent. I sometimes make myself a slave to my perceived notions of perfect parenting and then resent it. Because I am super aware of when my unconsciousness leads to embedding negative emotional charge in my child, I have been sometimes bending over backwards to try to atone for it. This serves no one. The rescue triangle plays out often in families and is worthy of being examined. Yet how to do so without an energy of resentment, anger, separation, ah, this to me is the big question and one worth exploring.

Yesterday I also spoke to a grandmother who told me her son threatened his son if he would not stop crying, saying if he could not stop he would be sent out into the dark, freezing night. Knowing clearly what emotional havoc such a punishment would result in, my heart went out not only to the child but to the parent who felt so lost or cut off he would resort to such a punishment. I have such compassion for all the unconscious conditioning parenting creates. I have compassion for the children, the parents, their parents and on into infinity. I am deeply committed to reversing this old outdated system into one that is open, transparent and based in love. As a new Facebook friend Alice Love Light said, awareness is key. I have heard it said that simple awareness is often curative. While It feels rather paltry, I will continue to shine a light and hold the vision for a new parenting paradigm that honors each person’s heart and soul. When this occurs, I guarantee the world will be a new and gorgeous place to live.