I imagine many of you following my posts are highly sensitive and/ or empaths. Being a sensitive empath is not easy in today’s world where there is so much suffering. It is not always easy to see this as a gift.
When energy ramps up, it used to have me running for cover and still does in some ways. I feel the need to pull back, get quiet, spend LOTS of time in nature. At times it has felt like I can not live a full life because of it, do the things others seem to do so casually, go to malls, being in crowds, places with loud music. It is a miracle I can go to the gym now and not flip because of the piped in music. I could not go to malls or indoor noisy events for years.
I have to be careful not to slip into feeling like a victim when I feel the latest solar flare, eclipse etc. So when seemingly out of nowhere I felt my blood pressure rise, my heart beat faster I felt an instant NO after so many months of pure peace. When I say pure peace, I have had many episodes of crying, purifying, integrating but they are no problem, they are welcomed without resistance,.This was the first time in months I felt resistance again. My brain gets fogged and I again wonder if I can accept the invitations I receive, for dinner, for a play, just to meet for tea. All become events that feel difficult to navigate. Sometimes it is a clear no and I am fine with that. Yet I know part of this is just a belief and not my true preference, a way of honoring myself yet cannot distinguish the line. I can want to curse my sensitivity again despite seeing the numerous gifts.
It is a major part of the reason I am so effective with my work, I can sense what clients are feeling, sometimes when they refuse to acknowledge the emotions themselves. IT leads me to such compassion and living a heart-centered life. Yet when my old friends anxiety and overwhelm come to visit, I sometimes want to scream NO! Yes, of course, I allow the no, I allow the discomfort and there is always a gift on the other side. Despite all of this I still sometimes wonder what it would be like not to feel so much, stand in amazement when people tell me they feel nothing during eclipses, or in other situations that feel so intense to me.
Yes, I also see how cruel people can be without seemingly even knowing it, something I could not get away with.
O.K., I’ll cut to the chase. Despite truly knowing the gift my sensitivity is in my life, I was feeling a bit sorry for myself until in answer to my comment about being overwhelmed again, my sister Nouk set me straight by simply and gently saying, “you will wake up so much faster because of your sensitivity.” Darlings, I know it can feel almost unbearable sometimes yet know the Truth, you will wake up out of the dream so much faster because of your sensitivity.
