I woke up this morning all fired up about something exciting I wished to share. Yet as the day moved on I felt unease move into my field. So many things no longer push my buttons. Thursday night I got very little sleep but had no story or charge about it. I was at my Nia class and found the choreography very difficult and quick. My fogged brain didn’t have a chance but I just smiled and played with it. I use to get a bit flipped out when I got so little sleep. Now it is more ho hum. But when my nervous system gets hit with what I use to call anxiety and now just see as a global energetic shift this still gets my goat. My nervous system experiences it anywhere from unease to cell frying dramatic anxiety even sometimes reaching panic, The unease has already backed off but here’s my point. It we see ourselves as our emotions, we will flip around like a yoyo in these turbulent times. I realize that resistance is not only futile, the inflationary cost of it increases daily. I feel in body how good it feels to just surrender and allow it to be what it is. I feel in my body the cost of resisting, panicking, freaking out. Yet I cannot control my response. I can only continue to be present to what arises. Through a strange alchemy, the more I can allow whatever arises, the more neutral I become. By allow, I mean feel what I feel, it may be incredibly uncomfortable but I know from experience it gets way worse if, in addition to the discomfort, I also reject my experience, try to shove it away, it is a double whammy, the initial pain coupled with the pain of fighting what is. So I am loving Matt Kahn’s latest teaching of celebrating. For a few days when I celebrated exhaustion, celebrated scarcity I got a big smile of relief and laughter on my face. Today it isn’t working. I want to celebrate the unease yet the best I can do right now is celebrate that I am unable to celebrate unease. Do you see the point? Never make yourself wrong, blame yourself, criticize yourself, judge yourself. Love it if you can and if not, love the one that cannot love what is arising. It takes time to move this from unconscious to conscious, from feeling like nothing is happening to feeling relief or even laughter but stick with it. For me it is now my automatic response and as I stay focused on this practice, my buttons are toppling one after the other. Now to come to peace with the energy of anxiety, yes, still not easy for me but it is a work in progress. Darlings, if you are reading this I am imagining you too may be experiencing unease. If so, know you are not alone, know all is well.
I just have to mention this briefly as i see it is the next cutting edge for me. Lauren said in the latest Think with Your Heart Report (thinkwithyourheart.com) that as long as we see ourselves or the world as broken, in need of fixing we will continue to recycle that in our experience, I feel the truth of her words and know I will need to move there to be free of the cycle of duality. So putting it on the back burner to see what percolates. Do not be concerned if this does not make any sense to you. These teachings unfold in a natural progression/order. Let them arise in their own unique right timing as each of us are on our own individual timelines. Sending everyone a huge love wave as we navigate these epoch, planet altering times. So much love.