Been in a group for a year and half where someone kept naming me as a source of discomfort and naming a desire to have revenge on me. I did my best to 100% own my experience and I thought I had it. Turns out was doing some bypassing and the other day my reactionary compensatory adult inner child lost her inner balance and spoke with 100% authenticity and little to no kindness as I felt I had been spoken to.
As I did so a literal stink came off the body. I had the sense intergenerational toxic debris was leaving the system. I knew the dynamic beautifully imitated one of childhood’s deepest wounds, not being met emotionally, not seemingly being cared about and not having anyone in the group voice support of me or understanding. Perfect scene.
Interestingly I felt intense curiosity and little to no guilt. Was a showstopper for sure. It felt liberating on one level yet at a deeper level a layer of ignorance had me truly blaming this person at a semi conscious level for how I felt. Just saying to release all blame for me is graduate level work and oh so liberating. Was fascinating to see after I spoke with RADICAL honesty how like a kaleidoscope the lens of my view shifted and I heard everything this person said in a new way. Until then it was as though I literally could not hear what was being said except through the lens of woundedness. On one level see the soul agreement and am grateful and yet, ouch…..
