the anatomy of worry:
I hear so many people seemingly lost in worry about one thing or another. I wish that this story of an inner transformation might support another in moving through worry. This process was long and intense, not very fun. May we all find our way through worry. May we all feel safe in our own skins. May all being Know they are safe.
Something happened 4 1/2 months ago that triggered big worry about a beloved. This is one who is very dear to this heart. I noticed not wanting to be around this one so much. It actually turned into a feeling of profound separation and disunity and had me questioning myself, actually going back into self rejection whenI could not find a way through.
It was only during the huge storm a few weeks ago that the realization landed that I was frozen in a state, unable to process the conditioning that had been implanted living with two key figures in this life being major worries, one of whom was my mother.
Once I knew that, a crack for self compassion opened. Yet it was only with the help of a friend on Wednesday who held with me for just 15 minutes as I dove deep into the despair and anguish. Now a bigger crack opened the heart. I could witness the this was actually a soul agreement between the two of us to activate and thus give the opportunity to transmute this blocked energy in the body and nervous system.
I had not heard from this person for a long time. I tried not to make up any stories yet worry kept capturing mind. Yet after the slight unveiling in the heart, the floodgates opened, all was explained (technical issues had the person not even know I was reaching out) and love abounds. I detail this as it was so challenging to stay present with the self rejection, the distain, the self judgment, the frozen state until, with a little help from my friends, this ancient wound gave way.
Yes I do have a desire that all being be happy and move through and beyond worry. I am willing to stay with that desire.
