Really had my ass handed to me today when somebody told me he didn’t give a f *ck about how my nervous system was doing. Even as he said that he mentioned imagining that he and I would have a moment of repair afterwards but what he was saying was so important he needed to say it. And this man has shown me in multiple ways his care for me.
Before you get all reactive I think it’s served me beautifully in a way. Been way too identified with the nervous system and sensitivity. And luckily I literally had my temporary protector Godzilla in place in front of my heart so the blow barely penetrated. Yeah trust me it was extremely humbling.
And I saw this man had been traumatized in a particular way that I had been missing. He was bringing his experience so calmly until that moment that I had missed the underlying dynamic. I’m not jumping for joy to reconnect to him right now AND I see the validity of his point.
Another friend of mine sent me this post below that I love. I’ve seen it several times but one point is standing out to me and I can tell you I know it’s true. Letting go of identification with Savannah is no small thing at least not for me but it’s not a big thing Unless I make it that. I’m really watching the dynamic between women wanting empathy and men sometimes appearing detached playing out and a deep sense that neither side is really seeing the other often. Doing my best to see both sides. The words to a song come to heart, some thing like I looked at life from both sides now from give-and-take and still somehow it’s love illusions I recall I really don’t know life at all.
 The most important point of this for me is “But if we can let go of identifying with him (the hero,) we can find our rightful place in the universe, and a love more satisfying than any we’ve ever known.”
Posting this at 11:11 and those feel like the truest words I’ve ever read
The Anti Hero’s Journey…
“Leonard Cohen said his teacher once told him that, the older you get, the lonelier you become, and the deeper the love you need. This is because, as we go through life, we tend to over-identify with being the hero of our stories.
This hero isn’t exactly having fun: he’s getting kicked around, humiliated, and disgraced. But if we can let go of identifying with him, we can find our rightful place in the universe, and a love more satisfying than any we’ve ever known.
People constantly throw around the term “hero’s journey” without having any idea what it really means. Everyone from CEOs to wellness influencers thinks the hero’s journey means facing your fears, slaying a dragon, and gaining 25k followers on Instagram. But that’s not the real hero’s journey.
In the real hero’s journey, the dragon slays YOU. Much to your surprise, you couldn’t make that marriage work. Much to your surprise, you turned forty with no kids, no house, and no prospects. Much to your surprise, the world didn’t want the gifts you proudly offered it.
If you are foolish, this is where you will abort the journey and start another, and another, abusing your heart over and over for the brief illusion of winning. But if you are wise, you will let yourself be shattered, and return to the village, humbled, but with a newfound sense that you don’t have to identify with the part of you that needs to win, needs to be recognized, needs to know. This is where your transcendent life begins.
So embrace humility in everything. Life isn’t out to get you, nor are your struggles your fault. Every defeat is just an angel, tugging at your sleeve, telling you that you don’t have to keep banging your head against the wall. Leave that striver there, trapped in his lonely ambitions. Just walk away, and life in its vastness will embrace you.”
~ Paul Weinfeld
