Holy shit kids it’s getting real! So much primal energy on the move at least in this one.
Five years ago I had set the date Friday the 13th 2023 as the day something very significant would happen in my life and it didn’t. I spent time doing ritual on that day to allow the grief and to open up to new possibilities. Part of what was going on on that day has been moving through the appearance of trauma from a past life. As though it weren’t enough to deal with this life but now to have more viscerally past lives showing up in an embodied way moving through the being.
I was deeply moved both by a dear friend supporting me and making my day truly magical and by Luna the dog protecting me, without me knowing it, as I was doing the ritual. She literally had my back.
I want to name that I have two very visceral primal energies moving through right now. A certain situation triggers feelings of not being able to take care of survival needs. And that triggers an existential aloneness that is quite painful to stay with.
Additionally I’ve been moving through a theme of feeling silenced. Today I was able to connect fully with how a childhood trauma created the belief that I was not allowed to speak up even when it was a question of my own safety and well-being. Noticing different circumstances triggering that wound and wanting to blame others for not being safe. But the ownership is the answer both for me to take care of myself and to name what’s happening for me and take appropriate action. The big challenge was to be willing to name what’s happening rather than remain silent. I was silent all throughout my childhood and so it’s no surprise that this wound goes so deep.
Beloveds I have no idea what’s going on for you but I know it can be pretty intense. I’ve had the honor of witnessing a number of men breakdown and acknowledge their vulnerability their grief Their desire to be seen and heard. I sense that this may be a rising for numerous people given the instability of the outer world or at least the appearance of that. I wish each of you inner peace and the strength to hold your own experience with tenderness and ideally a loving community to support you. Many thanks to the beloveds that allowed me to get to the bottom of this very painful and visceral trauma.
I want to name one more thing. This one is really important. I have a friend who’s telling me it can be easy. To break free of the collective narrative that it has to be difficult it has to be painful it has to be traumatic is some thing I really want to play with even more. I literally don’t know how to let go of this belief since it seems to be so prevalent that it has to be hard. If in your direct experience you have moved through to freedom without being significantly challenging I would love to hear from you and to hear your experience. Please either share it in the comments or message me if that’s your experience. I deeply want to reinforce that so I can find it easier to access as not only believable but as the truth.