Been really focused on breaking down the savior rescuer motif. Yesterday I did something that would’ve been unthinkable to me even a month ago. A friend asked me if I would facilitate one of the breakout groups on a theme I particularly enjoy and I had in fact suggested, seeing ourselves as limitless.
I just had an experience listening to an interview where I felt like I have been given the roadmap of awakening, of alchemy, of liberation. I had known it before but it dropped in this moment into a deeply embodied experience. I felt euphoric. When I arrived in the group it appeared as though each of the other persons in the group was in a very different energy.
What I’ve been playing with lately is how when I’m in a really good place the energy of others can currently pull me out. Sometimes I’m spacious enough to be with whatever other bring and sometimes I’m not. In this instance I wasn’t. I wanted to stay with the feelings of bliss and reading the others energy, I really was afraid I wouldn’t be able to maintain that energy. And of course that’s the opposite of surrender and acceptance. Of course that’s resistance. Of course I continue to attract what I’m not making peace with.
Here’s what was mine blowing for me. I said I wanted to take a break from the group I was supposed to facilitate. One member of this highly experienced group suggested I do just that. And I did. I said I’d be back in five minutes but the experience was still intensely moving through the body and the heart was racing. I literally didn’t come back for 20 minutes but ended up going out on the land to ground.
I’ve spent over two years breaking down the role of facilitator/therapist. To discover the way to do it naturally and authentically without over responsibility. For me it has not been an easy path.
Here’s what’s remarkable to me. When I finally came back each person there was doing fine and having what seem to be a meaningful experience. And when I came back I had no resistance to where they were. I didn’t want them to be different. Feels like a huge step in breaking down the over responsibility theme that’s been so big I suggest in all our lives. Particularly as parents educators healers. We shall see how the play continues to unfold. how are Service and surrender different from sacrifice and crucifixion? I’ve seen teachers I deeply respect bring the teachings in such a serious and sometimes seemingly self-sacrificing way. That way no longer fits for me.
earlier:
Was guided to let go of a license that requires one to be the healer. Today was in an experience where we played with alter egos. Witnessing others playing characters where they were intending to help or rescue another felt very uncomfortable in the body for me. Even when I had a hint of it in myself, more and more uncomfortable. Happy to see at least two others writing on this theme. I have a story that we’re ready to let go with that leg of the drama triangle.
First I worked with victim motif many years ago. I had a mentor that said it was one of the two viruses inflicting humankind along with control. Then I was had a lot of attention on perpetrator but now to finally let go of the last threads of rescuer. Really see how it creates a one up energy. Really see how addictive it can be. And there are still many remnants releasing from this field.
