Super excited about an awareness dialing in. Feels ultra liberating. In less than a half an hour I will be having an experience that for the last few months felt very challenging. I watched my mind prepared to go in protected. I watch my mind create exactly what I don’t want. I am seeing in this now that I can choose again. I truly believe I can create a new experience.
In the last days I had a revelation. I was sitting about 3 feet from one of the most difficult experiences of my life. The person that had known me the longest and the best told me that he believed I didn’t know what love was. Since I had devoted my life to love this was a bit of a blow. It’s almost exactly 13 years ago today. I literally curled up in a ball and went into a primal state. What I saw the other day was how deeply this experience served me. I saw literally with a deep knowing that our souls had agreed that he would say exactly that to break me free of an incredibly limiting belief, that love was outside of me, That someone else could tell me whether or not I knew the state of love.
I still bounce in and out of the state of love. And that’s OK. In this now there’s someone who’s triggering me and has over time. I literally know it’s a soul agreement. I don’t have any clue what to do with it yet and that’s OK. Sitting with it and doing my best not to create an enemy image.
On my walk I asked this part that was holding men as something to be careful with. I saw how deeply this part has felt the need of protecting me because of early childhood experiences. I asked this part if it was willing to get a new job. I thanked it with deep gratitude for the way it’s protected me until now. It seems we’ve come with a hybrid New job. If I begin to put my trust and lean into a relationship with a man where there’s really no true foundation this part will give me a high five alert. This part will also support me in moving completely into the unified field where there’s no sense at all of a need for protection. Play in progress.
