“All businesses are open during construction.”

My friend took these shots while I was being serenaded with the happy birthday song. Initially I wasn’t happy to see the sign behind my head. And then I realized for me it’s perfect. All of us are being reconstruction back to our true selves with all this intense Solar Energy and high frequency bombardments. Yet we need to go about the business of ordinary life while we are being reconstructed back to the original design. This is no small thing.

My birthday yesterday was so blessed. I was serenaded five or six times with the birthday song including by one friend who is a professional singer. Strangers joined in to make the chorus loud and exuberant. I had enough belly laughs that I almost fell out of my chair. I had a delightful companion for much of the day. I received a poem seemingly loosely based on my friend’s relationship with me. The poem moved me to tears as I had never before felt so completely seen and understood.

Initially I was supposed to spend the evening with my daughter but she canceled because she had to work. I am sad to report that maybe even three or four years ago I would’ve been frustrated and annoyed and might’ve taken it out on her, my need to control and manipulate others to celebrate me on my birthday being so intense. I shutter to think of what I might’ve said some years ago.

I heard from my wasband or ex this morning. He seemed concerned that on his 10 Hour drive home yesterday he’d forgotten to wish me a happy birthday. I can’t help but wonder whether or not it was all the conditioning he received from being in a relationship with me for 23 1/2 years and all the pressure I put him under to get me gifts. This year so far I’ve only received two pairs of socks at a material level but so much more from the heart of friends and others. Before I went to bed on the sixth I was receiving messages from all over the world. I am always so touched because I receive messages each birthday from people I have no other contact with.

Here’s what’s different this year. I didn’t try to fix or change the fact that at one moment I felt disappointed about something that happened. Instead I stayed curious about the disappointment and Asked myself what was underneath of that.

I noticed years ago I had a feature on FB that allowed people to post on my timeline for my birthday. Before I turned it off once 151 people wished me a happy birthday. A part of me wanted to restore that feature and even tried for a few minutes. When I tried it before I made fun of myself and asked myself derisively why I wanted that. This time I asked with great compassion what I thought it would give me for others to see all the messages I received from people in messenger from a worldwide audience. I became incredibly curious about what need I thought that might fulfill and what strategy i was using to meet the need. In other words I met the desire with incredible kindness.

I have spent almost my entire adult life trying to fix myself, trying to change myself, trying to heal myself. Can you imagine the sweet relief to prefer to simply cherish and adore myself?

I am acutely aware of how the energy of judgment create separation in my system. And I still do it. I judged somebody today for swimming down the middle of the lane rather than to the sides to make room for both people. I was curious where the judgment was coming from.

A friend last night was trying to get me to help her change herself. I noticed I no longer have the desire to do that nor the willingness. I often love extending support and holding to others but it’s from a place of intending to see their magnificence, their wonder, their beauty, their unique gifts. I still get caught in judgment and rescue but so much less often. I still catch myself trying to fix or change myself but so much less often. Sweet sweet sweet relief.

p.s. may inner child Suzie is super proud a friend told us (inner child and me) that he sees us at the champion of Gene key 19, something about embodying sensitivity with refinement, something like that. She thought this person was usually judging us so she is super proud and wanted to share it with all of you.