An old paradox is arising again. I noticed I thought this one had been put to bed more than it has. I have a story that it may be affecting many of us, particularly sensitives. How to be in the world but not of it.
For the first half of my life I immersed myself in pleasure, trying to find a way to make peace with being on what for me feels like a dense planet often. And that doesn’t mean that I don’t experience the gloriousness of endearing and tender human relationships and the majesty of nature. I do. But sometimes the things I hear of directly or indirectly, the trauma and the terror, the greed and the corruption, I still sometimes find difficult to make peace with.
For quite some time I’ve been exploring the balance point between accessing heavenly realms and being grounded. For the second half of my life I definitely favored lifting off, accessing higher realms with no grounding, feeling connected to my starfamily or heaven, little interest in being grounded. It hasn’t been quite three years since I started grounding and I’ve made huge progress. I actually experienced the sensitivity as a gift. And yet…
I’ve had the choice and the chance over the last day to explore this theme three times. There’s still a part of me that wants to lift off, wants to not be on earth. That part is smaller than ever but still alive. It’s clear that I often want to silence that part, make it go away because it creates an energy that feels less than comfortable for sure. One could call it darkness although I don’t. Noticing it’s a little bit challenging to continue to welcome this part and say yes.
I had already said this out loud in a birthday circle today, and then my friend reflected it back to me. You want to be grounded and you don’t. Bingo. The cutting edge for me right now is to how to maintain and sustain enthusiasm, spirit, bigness , Power. Giving myself a clue. Initially I had written my enthusiasm my spirit my too muchness my power and was immediately guided to take out the word my. such a kick in the pants that for the last two years I’ve studied using ownership language and claiming my own experience. And yet I feel I’m at a jump off place where I’ll be leaving more and more the vehicle of identification with Savannah behind. Yes she is the vehicle I operate from. But she is not my Self. I know it’s impossible to put this into words and yet I felt the energy in the body in the circle today. I felt this huge expansion in love from and with my star family and yet I had both feet on the ground. The image of a cross came to me. Anchoring energy in the earth and in the heavens and also in the vastness. And this being known as Savannah is the centerpoint. No clue if this will make any sense to anyone else, but writing it down helps me anchor it within. Play in progress to be the centerpoint of everything and nothing.
And I gave myself a huge clue 22 years ago when I created an Archetypal doll I named beloved. She has wings and roots on her boots. I believe I was born to be a prototype of balancing this energy. Being the center point, the zero point. Play oh so very much in progress. Thank you thank you thank you to the oh so many others I know doing something similar.
