Yesterday I heard myself say to a Facebook friend that I admired her creativity. I told her that I had not done much creatively particularly over the last years. Earlier in my life I had done some amazing things from my point of you with stain glass, with porcelain, creating an almost life-size archetypal figure that took a year to finalize. A few years ago I was just doing abstract painting for fun.
I sat with a question why I hadn’t done anything in the last years. The answer came immediately. Because you try to do it well. That gave me pause. I felt super relieved when I was able to create a Heart drawing as part of a Jason Estes exercise yesterday and maybe that’s what freed up a little bit of the blockage.
Today I made a commitment to myself to simply play with the paints. I put my inner child Suzie in charge and we would simply have fun. We would not try to do it well. Initially it went very well and I was having fun enjoying the colors. And then one part of it got messed up from my point of you and I kept trying to fix it. The fun went flying out the window and after a few attempts at fixing it, I honored my commitment and I simply stopped.
I cannot tell a lie. I ended up going over to edit a column I’m sitting on. I have it that I’m a much better writer than painter and it is one of the ways I have remained creative . By writing and finishing the column it was kind of like I was saying there there dear ego, you’re OK. The column is on self-love so I’m giggling as I made a move that felt nourishing. It’s all good.
PS. I had to restrain the ego who wanted to get carried away. Ego self begged me to post pictures of my porcelain or my Stain glass or my archetypal figured so people might think I am capable of being creative in a way I consider good. Smiling at myself. There there dear ego 
Enjoying being outside my comfort zone. What a ride!
Enjoying being outside my comfort zone. What a ride!
