Last night we watched the movie “Gravity” with Sandra Bullock. She becomes untethered in deep outer space and was spinning out of control. When asked by the mission commander to give some reference points, some coordinates to determine her location, she was absolutely unable to do so. She had no ability to locate herself. This is how these times feel to me. Our reference points are disintegrating. Our future cannot be predicted by extrapolating from our past. All bets are off and we may feel very ungrounded, unsettled, unmoored. Others are feeling euphoric, blessed and alive. Everything is shifting. I also am hearing and experiencing challenges ranging from irritants to major disasters. Mine include a pile of big bills coming in at the same time along with deferred maintenance catching up to me and moving into the do it now or suffer the consequences category. Lots of crucial things are breaking down around me, for example after receiving paper work from covered California almost daily I am now informed I now longer qualify for a subsidy based on an erroneous technicality which would cost me about $10,000 a year if not corrected and will involve more phone calls to Blue Shield; last time I was on hold 1 hour, 27 minutes and 13 seconds (the agent told me exactly.) My agent just left town etc. The way my body felt a few nights ago was so debilitating it took me back to my days of being basically incapacitated and unable to function around noise, crowds, groups. It also took me to great compassion for myself and others. How else can we respond without suffering? My computer is acting up and I just got a weird message about my printer. You get the picture. It is wild and crazy. My sense is many of us are having our weak point buttons pushed to ensure we are cleared of limitations. I frequently see how the very thing that drives someone up the wall is the very area they are challenged in; does not seem random.
I am hearing of deaths including the death last night of my friend’s partner at age 64. Yet this community has gathered in support of my friend and her partner. I heard hospice and other friends had volunteered for 4 hour shifts 24 hours a day. Another friend I bumped into last night told me she received endless support for the unexpected death of her son. Another friend told me she is now able to walk after over a year flat out from knee and back issues. My point is it is not easy right now yet magic is in the air.
I am hearing and seeing wonderful partnerships and relationships unfold with such beauty, peoples’ work finally being honored, abundance showing up in buckets, community gathering in increasingly generous ways. I keep bumping into people at magical moments. I have never had so many gorgeous invitations although I am generally too over amped to accept many of them.
I am noticing one of the charges that had gotten me for years is evaporating, the challenge of presents for holidays or birthday. I realized about 20 years ago that I had come to associated presents with love based on the feeling that the only time I felt loved was Christmas or birthdays when I was showered with presents. This led to expectations that almost became demands for love ones to prove their love with presents. Well the troops revolted a few years ago and stopped trying to meet my needs that had practically become commands. This year I was able to give gifts to a few people who would receive no gift otherwise and had not gotten gifts in many years. I realized I am not concerned, no longer charged by the fact this is likely to be a skimpy gift year for many reasons. Yea for inner freedom. More importantly, it brings me to a vital point.
I heard a recording from a tape I believe was called unconditionally acceptance and I believe it was Tara Brach but I am not sure. In any case she said as long as one remains exclusively self interested, one will never be free. I see this is true. My sense of freedom expands as my sense of involvement with friends, neighbors, the world expands. I just heard from a relative who divorced over a decade ago that his ex-wife would now like him back, acknowledging that the perfect man she was convinced was out there does not exist. He said she remains only self interested and thus alone. That sums up a key point in this conscious evolution/ revolution game. Looking only to save oneself, one can never find one’s way Home. For years my situation was so dire I had no room except to survive and take care of my daughter. So there is no judgment if this is your situation. Just a head’s up that at some point to only focus on oneself leads in a circle. It is strange as my major point is about self love yet if that love becomes limited or exclusive to oneself, ironically it backfires into pain. Whatever ungrounded, unmoored sensations may be unfolding, trust all is well.
I am literally having a hard time typing as I keep scrambling the letters. I am not concerned as I know our brains are being rewired to a higher plane. While my financial woes cause me mild discomfort, overall I can trust all is well despite evidence to the contrary. I know so may people with financial, medical, relational, work or other concerns now who are holding the line in faith and courage. I feel so blessed to know such amazing, courageous people. Darlings, whatever challenges or irritants or causing you doubt, fear, pain, keep loving yourself and trusting all is well. Know miracles can become our daily fare. Know all is well and we are on a ride designed by our own masterful Selves. Know we are evolving into a conscious species where love and compassion become the rule of the day rather then greed and power. We are living in such an exciting time in history. Shew, what a ride!