My greatest wish is that we all know each other and ourselves as the infinity and limitlessness of Christ consciousness. Energies feel so strong that they feel to me as though they’re just propelling us into this. I want to share a mini resurrection story that occurred for me within the space of about 12 to 14 hours.
As I do every day, I focus on the world I wish to create and use my vision to embody and celebrate it. And there’s one area of my life that only for a brief period was fulfilled. Sometimes it feels like mission impossible and yet it is one of my deepest desires and yearnings. As a former mentor of mine said, it’s a train coming through.
My direct experience tells me to not try to fix or change myself but rather trust my visions to lead the way. But as I was sitting with it Friday night it became clear to me how my own unconscious fears traumas and limited conditioning were blocking my desire. Big surprise, as always I was creating it subconsciously, inadvertently blocking the very thing I deeply desire. As I sat with it I felt absolutely clueless and for a moment felt like it would never shift. So I did what I always do in such moments, I calleded my team. I called in any ascended master, ancestor, angel, mentor, wise being, Friend and I asked for assistance. I stated clearly that I was absolutely at sea with this and asked for support.
For the entire week I’ve been having a feeling of rawness that is not common anymore. I could feel how little interactions felt uncomfortable and unsafe. I became aware of how unsafe many humans feel to me particularly men. This is despite the fact that I have many adored friends including men. There is still this underground feeling of distrust and lack of safety.
I’m like OK now what? The waterworks were springing on with the slightest movement. I look at Messenger and saw that a man who had contacted me several times was asking why I was not responding. On this day in particular yesterday Saturday I decided to send very vulnerable messages to a number of people including this man. I decided to honestly tell him why I didn’t feel any trust with him or safe. This despite the fact that he was someone I’ve never interacted with before. I checked out his profile and he seemed to be what I called clean. So I decided to risk it. I explained to him why I wasn’t answering him. He came back saying what I had told him was not accurate or true. Of course it was words on a screen but it felt defensive and even possibly aggressive. I felt my heart rate go through the roof and wanted to just let it rest there and block him or send him to the moon. But I showed him my evidence of why I felt the way I felt. And now tears are coming again just remembering this. He apologized. I’ll say it again. He apologized. I cannot put into words what this meant to me. It felt like the entire paradigm shifted with those words, I’m sorry.
The person who cost me the greatest trauma was a man. I’m crying as I write this. I often wished he would tell me he was sorry and he didn’t mean to do it. I know his soul was supporting me but I never felt his heart. Never. And somehow this man who I did not know and lived on another continent, his apology penetrated my heart so deeply and something broke free. I’m crying sitting outside as I write this. Resurrection indeed.
Here’s what’s interesting. During this I felt my inner child Suzie very very alive and feeling so unsafe. I actually reached out to a brother and asked him to hold my hand. I realized I deeply trusted this brother. And I truly wanted him to hold my hand. I wanted him to tell me in words. And while he sent the caring emoji, he didn’t say anything. I recognized I had no idea why but imagined it was because his attention was elsewhere. I did not take it personally but I felt a little exposed. And right after that I got the apology from this man. So I’ve asked one man for support and received it from another man who until now has been a total stranger. Mystery indeed. I won’t try to put into words what this has done to me and for me but it’s magical.
As an interesting tidbit, I believe I was able to be this vulnerable because I had befriended my protector Godzilla. I had installed Godzilla as a child to protect my vulnerable heart. But he’s gone rogue and held me back from many situations I wanted, he intended to radically keep me safe. But once I had thanked him and spent time truly being grateful for all that he has done, he’s let go of the reins more and more. It’s as though he trust me Savannah to protect Suzie my inner child so he doesn’t have to keep me under such a tight rein. It’s as though he trust me to hold myself so he can let me go. The deeper I go into Presence, the more space I have for myself and thus for others. I can do more and more and not take it personally or feel hurt.
I had a group to facilitate called Wild Hearts. I took my wild heart crying my eyes out into the group. Lucky we always begin with a meditation because the minute I started speaking to them and felt their care, I continued crying copious. I was met with loving kindness which did me a world of good. Particularly as there was one person there who did not know that it’s years ago since I ever intended to facilitate by putting myself above as though I know something anybody in the group doesn’t know. I told them the brain was completely off-line and that while I had had these great intentions for the group God only knows what would happen. And again no surprise, for me the Heart lead the way and we had tenderhearted interactions.
I have no idea where this will take me or if this pattern has been liberated. I rest in trust. What’s amazing to me is that from asking for assistance and receiving it was almost exactly 12 hours. Yes I cried fairly continuously for a couple of hours. And then I was done. That’s what so magical to me is how fast major patterns can shift in these high frequency energies. May we each find our hearts desire and live as Love. 

I’m sitting outside after the rain and the smell of the orange blossoms and jasmine smells like how I feel. Blessed.
