Today the sky is gray and this heart is a bit heavy. I have felt exhausted as I pass through a pocket of deep grief, both personal and global. The level of manipulation and deception is so astounding that some of the things currently being revealed leave my mouth hanging open in shock.
One of the most difficult things for me to witness is how many beloveds are lost in fear. With the mass media pushing the fear button 24/7 it is no wonder. As I have said, I lived through the 1994 Los Angeles earthquake and finally figured out as they repeated the terrible yet limited damage 24/7 that I was repeatedly being traumatized. I could look out my window and see all is well yet the TV told another vision and it was not one that supported life. So much is being done to rob of us of connection and belonging, the very things that give us health and joy. A dear friend has not seen her sons in 10 months to prevent any possible harm to hr father. I can’t help but wonder how much that loss does certain harm rather then potential harm.
I spoke to an educator who is quitting her job to work elsewhere as seeing the kids have to keep six feet apart and wear masks, see their friends as potential threats is causing so much harm and she simply can no longer support it.
I understand we have had less overall deaths this year then in the last ten yet we have sacrificed our very way of life and we are not at choice about that. So I have to allow the deep grief. I feel certain that it is parents that will finally say enough. I can’t even imagine the harm that will be very difficult to heal done to young children’s development at crucial ages. We are teaching them that fear is natural. How will they overcome that deep conditioning? I am so grateful my daughter is not young and can’t image what I would do if she was. Other then what I hear other parents are doing, banding together to create systems that nourish the whole child.
I know that 2020 was an incredible gift in my life as it put my feet in the fire of some of my deepest fears and forced me to change my beliefs about being a victim of sensitivity, of my very nervous system. I am so grateful to generally sleep deeply and feel at peace. I heard such disturbing news on the 6th at the potential threat to our core survival yet remained remarkably calm without an activated nervous system. Yet I ranted with a friend who as part of a training program listened to me vent my frustration at the global chaos. Yet I also repeatedly laughed as there is something to me that feels like a giant cosmic joke.
The greatest gift for me in 2020 was to increasingly access an inner vastness that holds it all from the grief to the joy to the laughter. I celebrate my beloveds who have spent literally thousands of hours as I have freeing ourself from the inner prison. I celebrate those that are finding incredibly intimate and alive, loving relationships, who are seeking out pockets of joy and sharing. I know this year will be about discovering how to cooperate and step out of American independence to a interdependence and core belonging. I suspect it will be a bit choppy yet as I said to my friend , I know at the end of the year I will have discovered so much magic and beauty. I know I will be further into an inner belonging that changes EVERYTHING and is already so alive in me. I send you love for whatever your are living through right now. I hope you feel your inherent belonging, your god-given magnificence. Let the games begin.
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