Since for so long I had “learned” through suffering, to be willing to move beyond both learning and suffering can feel initially like heresy. No need to learn through suffering, wow. This was one of the primary gifts exploring “A Course of Love” (which I HIGHLY recommend) has extended to me. Yet two years after seriously committing to joy, i still have an inner Nazi I discovered recently. I had to apologize to a client. As my Cellular Release training had been so vital to me as it trained me to always go within when I discovered any limitation or fear, I had inadvertently become almost rabid about it. A dear friend pointed it out maybe 7 months ago yet it is only recently I am seeing the subtler ways it still plays out. As though to validate all I had suffered, I needed to keep my focus there on being sure I never missed a moment of pass through at the expense of self compassion that often trumps the need for diving in. When the inner anguish needs comfort, when an inner two year old is screaming for mommy, it is no time to dive within. It is times to whisper sweet encouragement, to drink something warm ((initially said worm which might be interesting t try, giggle), to hug a tree or spin in the sun, to rest on a warm rock or in a candle lit bath. Sweet relief to more often be able to know what the moment requires.
This summer the urgency of the need to get sovereign seemed to force me into a bootcamp mentality, get free of die. How scrumptious to now have the inner space to back off and cuddle when the moment calls for it. Thanks Matt for this article that seems to share some of the things I am discovering. Beyond the need for facing fear or needing comfort lies a field of Joy. I’ll meet you there when I can.
“Through my experiences with the subtle worlds, I have come to understand that joy is a radiant quality that enhances and empowers life. It vivifies. It is like a metabolic enhancer. What it is not is a synonym for happiness. We regularly confuse the two, but the difference between them is important. I am happy about something; that is, it is an emotion caused by something: I get a raise at work, I get an extra piece of chocolate cake, I hear that my candidate has been elected, and so on. Joy is deeper than this; it is its own cause, a presence that in turn causes other things.”