Perhaps I am now ready to try to convey what was revealed to me in two transcendent experiences this week. Felt to look the word up as the experiences pulled me out of the trance of separation. the meaning is: • (of God) existing apart from and not subject to the limitations of the material universe. Often contrasted with immanent.
That was certainly my experience. In the first one I dropped into a state of unity. What does that mean? I saw/ felt no separation between myself and another. Prior to now my few mystical experiences are off the planet, in a higher realm, seeing heaven kind of thing. This was the first time I was one with another, someone I do not know well. It then extend to the circle I was in. I saw one person in what seemed to be self judgment. I tried to croak out the words “You are so beautiful.” I wished she could see herself as I saw were within the unified heart. Any idea of judgment was ludicrous. She was so perfect. Someone was naming cynicism and doubt of what I was experiencing. The awe was not diminished in the slightest by anything anyone said or did. Nothing could touch the awe as I wept with joy.
The next day I was exploring my difficulty setting boundaries in certain situations, not seeing it as kind. I knew it was influenced by what i considered the most difficult experience of my childhood. I had share the experience with a beloved and she said she needed three days to sit with it and allow the energy to pass through. We spoke of it again and she assumed I would really have to sit with it to gain the pearl. I knew it would happen quickly, this memory I have played with all my life. Within maybe 10 or 15 minutes, I saw the perfection. I saw what happened from any entirely new place. I saw words that I had used to limited and disempower myself were this parental figure just playing a role, as in a movie, to set me up for certain experiences. I saw the character jumping for joy that that difficult role was now understood, that the words no longer had any sting. I was able to release the character and truly only see the Love. I saw that Love embraces all. I was literally speechless with awe again. I felt all three of us (my friend, the parent, me) be bathed in such glory and freedom, liberation from all separation.
I know to be in the new we need experience to propel us into the certainty, the knowing. I wish I could tell you it lasted. It will stay with me forever. Yet in the middle of last night the body was burning and a question caused doubt to fill me. What was new was the absolute tenderness I held the doubt, refusing to critique myself for what might have been an unskillful choice. I feel a bit uneasy today, a lot seems a bit murky. I see myself not feeling much traditional joy or feeling associated with that. But as Untethered Soul advises, I choose joy none the less. I share in the hopes it may help even one person enter the new with more grace and easy. That possibility, for me, brings great joy.
