Anybody else noticing the cost of separation skyrocketing? I have always noticed it painfully within but now as I connect more fully to the nuances of my subtle body, I can feel in my energy system how painful the belief that it is possible or desirable in the name of protection? safety? to separate just seems so ludicrous.
And yes I totally get that this is only because I have taken the time to meet every shadow false identity that has shown its face seemingly wanting to devour my very being into the swamp of oblivion but is actually trauma waiting to be held. Yes, I have been able to dive into the pit of hell of my own mind and for the first time at the most primordial level say yes, say welcome, say I will not abandon you. And yes the wind screams and the fires roar and still I will not leave my own precious now experience no matter how it rents the night. Perhaps it was this holding, this ability to finally have enough space for my own wild grief that has allowed me to say yes to others disconnections, unskillful behaviors. All I know is that on Sunday I said yes to loneliness with more genuine curiosity and acceptance and since then it seems the gates of intimacy have opened in a whole new way.
Today I joined a circling platform and had two miraculous experiences. I have witnessed myself in the last week welcoming rejection from others, welcoming judgments from others, being truly curious about their experience of me without needing to defend myself Sweet liberation!
Today I notice myself pull back and close my heart just slightly to another based on what I was observing. I noticed this heart dance in jubilation when an explanation of the other’s experience helped reopen the gates of this heart. I noticed the cost and the celebration.
Just now i read a comment and felt this heart close. I paused and asked beloved, what is happening for you? I let the energy run through this field and said welcome. Immediately I sensed what was up for the other and could again open my heart to this unmet stranger and make welcome. Ah how nourished this dear heart is when I see no strangers. Ah, sweet nectar of life flowing through these veins. ah….
Such beauty dear friends, such beaut
