Yesterday loneliness came for a visit. He is not a common visitor as aloneness is something I value very much. Yet I notice when he does come for a visit, I wish to push him away immediately. I have little interest in truly listening to what he has to say. I feel like I have supported “him” enough and spent enough time alone that this state no longer serves me. In other words, I judge this visitor and wish him to vamoose asap.
Having spent a tremendous amount of time alone for a very long period of time, I want to say enough already. And I do. Yet today I tenderly asked him to sit down for a cuppa and share what he wants to say, ask, be heard. I finally stopped resisting. This lead to an immediate slowing WAYYYYYYYY down. Each bite of breakfast was a sacrament. Washing the dishes was not something to rush through. I am in the 6th day of not being able to spend more then the time necessary to water the plants outside. I have only left my house for a few hours. In the last six months I am extremely alone, rarely seeing others in person. I know everything in my life is sacred, so why is this still arising? What gifts remain to be unwrapped? I can’t say but I can say slowing ways down makes it more likely they will be discovered.
