On tenderness:
In the now this spine feels compressed like an elephant has a foot on it. Tension keeps moving to various parts of the spine. I could tell you what events seemingly triggered the sensations but why? What would be the point. Here is the point, here is what I am willing to admit. There is a yearning in me so vast that prior to now my own inner vastness did not feel sufficient to hold it. Now it is. I will hold this yearning, I will bow to it. Tears spring from these eyes as I finically admit to myself how much I have wanted to ditch being human, leave that part behind, enter the stratosphere so I could avoid the pain. Yet in doing so I simply alienated myself and created even more suffering. As though I were trying to amputate some part of me to save the rest. It will not fly.
As I reach an ever more vast inner Homecoming the yearning will not be stilled. A post I read yesterday set fire to the remaining resistance and the inferno cannot be quenched. Yes, I admit it, I yearn to be held tenderly. As I have real eyes-ed how essential it is to hold all of me whether I feel like crap or whether I am soaring in bliss. So I yearn to be held by another, by others. For the last years I have been held first by a group, then by a sister. Yet is was last Thursday when the last remaining barracked flooded open. Reading of my beloved others at Camp Freedom set the stage as the feelings they describe are so natural, so familiar yet so impossibly forgotten, dared dreamed of, buried under an ash heap of broken relationships and dreams. So when a brother reached out in his newly softened state, a man incredibly strong now willing to hold me tenderly, the last edifice collapsed and there was, there is no turning back.
This lead to a deliciously sweet conversation with another brother/ friend and then the most satisfying dialogue with a sister and a brother yesterday that lasted for hours. Now I am all in, I will not turn back.
For years I dared not let this desire fly free. Yet when the series “Family” ended I cried bitter tears of longing to be held in a family (preferably one not as dysfunctional as that one was.) Shows like “Little House on the Prairie” would fill me with a desire to belong to that family and increase my desire to leave behind the density of life on earth. Yet now I can feel new possibilities become more available daily as the Light frequency keeps pounding at the barriers of separation, showing us that after 10,000 freaking years it is now available for those that have done the difficult shadow work, observed and integrated their own programs of limitation and are ready to create the new earth from the ground up with wide open hearts.
For years I would harshly follow some spiritual path, willing to do whatever it seemed to take, be impossibly cruel to myself in the name of some spiritual rule. NO MORE! No more harshness in the name of some freaking spiritual progress. What a load of crap! DONE! And of course it was never true, just a misguided attempt to save myself by following some external guidance that while it did not fully resonate, I was willing to follow to relieve myself of all the inner guilt. ENOUGH!
I made a vow in 2008 that if I could not hold on to my love for my very willful daughter, I’d rather exit life stage left. I am making a similar vow now but there is no need to consider exiting. I can feel it is already “done” and it only requires seeming time to show up as more more continuously lived life experience. It is to live held, surrounded and filled with the tenderness of loving relationships with sovereign beings who can own their own shit, have dove deeply enough into their own embodied experience that they can say yes to breaking down the barriers, yes to vulnerability, yes to taking off the armor and letting go of the need to protect. I was told almost 25 years ago that lesson 135 of ACIM was the one that was the center piece of my life. Too right, “if I defend myself, I will be attacked.” A newly discovered brother was the icing on the cake that sealed the deal. (post below) thank you for those two brothers who opened their hearts tenderly to me in last days, to the sisters who have held me over the years. It is done. I feel the we community that is arising in my life, that is holding the us, that is breaking down the last scales of protection. My heart is full, the way is clear. I step out on to this fluid territory of unknown landscapes and say YES!
Chris Bale
22 hrs
**FOR HER SURRENDER – TRANSMISSION FOR MEN**
I had a male client communicate to me today: “she’s so hard. I want her to be softer. It pisses me off when she is so hard. What do I do? I keep telling her to be softer and to surrender in her femininity, but it’s not working.”
“Well firstly, you being annoyed by her “hardness” as you put it, is only going to support more hardness.” I replied.
She is already “soft” by nature. If she is not willing to be in that energy with you, there are parts of your being which she does not fully trust at this point.
An emotionally reactive and unclear man, is felt as a weak untrustworthy man. You don’t have to like it. It simply is what it is.
Even if her mind wants to trust you, her body will never feel safe enough to open in your company. It will brace in your presence. There will be an energetic cocooning as a form of protection. Not because you are a bad man, but because there are too many parts of you which are unclear, uncertain, and dispersive. This is unsafe for her on every level of love & surrender.
Men, you must realize to some degree what it means for her to be in a place of deep softness and receptivity with you. For you, it turns you on. For her, it’s risking life.
It requires her to release all order and control, which she has been forced to barricade up around herself, based on her past experiences with males.
This is what you are asking when you request for her to “surrender” more. You are inviting her into absolute exposure.
On top of that, you are also wanting to literally insert a part of your body up inside of her, in a way which allows you to have full control over how you move it inside of her, in the most sensitive part of her entire physicality. DO YOU REALIZE HOW MUCH TRUST THIS REQUIRES?
As men, we cannot ever truly feel the reality of this situation in our body, and what it must actually feel like when it is presented in a disconnected and hungry way.
On the other end of the scale, having such intimacy presented in a connected, sensitive and conscious way must be like taking silky rockets of love-drops, made of dark chocolate, to the milky way. Excuse me, I’m veering…
Basically, you are requiring her to bathe in oceans of vulnerability. A vulnerability which has been many times before you; used against her – disrespected, judged & dropped,
Based on all of this…why on earth would she trust a man who she hasn’t vetted repeatedly?
Welcome her challenge.
Welcome her moment to moment tests.
Realize it’s because she actually gives a damn about you. If she didn’t, she would never feel the need to test anything about you.
If any of this sounds like something you simply don’t want to engage with, then leave her alone. She can probably find someone safer than you.
What men need to see is the beauty in the challenge – the beauty present in the opportunity to demonstrate your wisdom and strength. This, is the dance.
If you are wanting to show up for yourself, for community, for her – regardless of how terrified you may be, beautiful! Stay there, in your integrity, and allow her to continuously experience you.
Finally, the question answered:
How do we as men experience woman in her softness?
Through learning how to LOVE HER.
Especially in her hardness. Especially in her anger. Especially in her frustration. Especially in her tension. Especially in all the places she has been mishandled and traumatized.
Love her!
And then love her more…if you want to.
If you don’t want to, there’s nothing wrong with that – But leave her the fuck alone. She doesn’t need another half-assed version of undercooked love. None of us do. If you are going to be there, at least commit to it.
You want her to be soft? Learn how to love her.
Much love,
Chris
