Posted in my Wild Hearts group but maybe serves someone here too, what a freaking game, what a ride!
Can I just say I love putting puzzle pieces together? Such a blast, and then writing it down. So here it what is dialing in.
So buddy Wyn recommended “Existential Kink.” I had just felt to post a “you bad boy BiG” post as the creature insisted. Was curious why. So I was going to return the “Existential Kink”unopened as I have about 8 book beside the bed and I read a sentence and toss them in disgust. But I was nudged to open it and I’m just on page 11. It says we take a perverse pleasure in our own suffering and until we own that, we keep playing the same game of limitation.
I was deciding whether or not to give away the book I helped edit “Memory in the Cells” and had just re-read a few pages, remembering my training with neutral net re-patterning where you track the benefit of “negative” states through the brain. So I ran one on scarcity and got in order to feel joy, I need to experience scarcity. What!?!? Talk about perverse.
So then I start the kink book and a little bulb went off. So instead of this being a sick game I play on my self, some wacko nut-job choice of this nasty superego, it truly is all a game! I could see the post about BG had me gnashing my teeth, rubbing my hands and twisting my imaginary mustache saying, oh yes evil one, how lovely to hate you. I saw twice now how someone I had cast in the dastardly basted role was one I cast simply to enjoy the play, I kid you not! And before it was all done in the name of this life robbing “healing” game. Now it was done simply for the game itself, because it is fun to play the game. I used to be the drama queen of all eternity until I stopped enjoying the game. So no clue where the book goes but here is what I see. I played a certain game but for real, REALLY a game and I enjoyed it. Been listening to Franco for weeks? months? Now and he says over and over it is a game, say I enjoyed it but now will play with different rules. Now I see this is LITERAL- IT is a game, I have enjoyed it and now I am ready to play another game. Before I only said it as an exercise to get “free” yet I am already absolutely free! Was never this nasty superego out to get me, was always a game that I no longer want to play, that I was playing unconsciously. No clue if this will make sense but sure makes sense to me. Yup, play well my friends! HOLY SHIT. what a ride! Ready to own that kink, wohoo!
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