Anyone else feeling like this ascension business is not anything like we thought it would be? So first we had the big seeming no show on 12/21/12 where many of us thought the world would suddenly be full of sparkling fairs, angel dust and happy rainbows. Not. Then we were told to keep on trucking and just hang in there for the big awakening. The game certainly seems to drag on doesn’t it? So I recently read a post from Matt Kahn that I posted somewhere, too fogged by solar flares to remember where or when, saying we moved from the hellacious times of clearing into purgatory. Found it:
Energy Update Oct./Nov. 2014
by Matt Kahn
As awakening dawns, it is quite common for your experiences to seem anything but the fairytale romance you may have hoped would unfold along a spiritual journey. Instead of being immersed in never-ending bliss or the ability to respond consciously in every interaction, there is a palpable heaviness that can feel quite helpless, if without a clue as to what is going on.
As you wake up, your attachment to ego dissolves out of your energy field. As attachments to ego evaporate, you are suddenly unable to be fed by the people, places, and things that previously defined your existence. In ego, it is quite common to misunderstand the notion of caring for the things that fed your identity. This means as you wake up from the need to be fed, it can feel like you don’t know how to care about the things that used to be the center of your universe.
Without a clear sense of knowing how to care in the absence of needing to be fed, it can quickly turn your reality into a bleak and lifeless desert of existential boredom. Imagine: nothing that used to define or feed you gives you any surge of significance or fulfillment, while your long-awaited new way of being… http://www.truedivinenature.com/EnergyUpdateNov2014.htm
Oh what joy. I seem to be moving out of purgatory into limbo, mostly not too bad, not too good, sometimes scintillatingly gorgeous and others ready to cry uncle and beg for mercy. I swear if this was a job, we’d all of quit by now. Long hours, minimal pay, no job security seemingly and incredibly hard work with long hours interspersed with totally unexpected twist and turns. So what keeps us hanging in there? Sure, some of us are deciding to bast out of here. Short of that, what to do?
For me the pain of separation was and is so intense I cannot help but do/be anything and everything to move beyond it, back to full remembrance. I have had so many taste and even full meals of resting in that scrumptious homecoming so there is no turning back. Despite the frequent challenges and this latest bath of intensity curtesy of the solar flares, eclipses and equinox, I still say yes. To generally feel neutral, non judgmental, at peace and often experiencing ever deeper intimacy, yes, I’m still in the game. The teenager of the family asked today why our family is so much more open and honest with each other. Yes, for this I keep diving into whatever arises.
I was at a 5 rhythms class Sunday. I tried it twice years ago and was freaked out by the music, literally felt the music of chaos throwing me into deeper internal chaos so I had to leave. I also was aware of a sense of separation and very gradually realized I was the one creating it, distancing myself although in the past I would have sworn others were ignoring or not including me. This time I was aware of both dynamics, feeling so joyously included with commensurate belonging and yet still not making eye contact periodically, distancing myself from others, from being overwhelmed. Yet the moments of profound intimacy through a shared dance, a soulful hug, eyes met in recognition, yes, worth the price of admission. I could never go back so I must keep moving deeper into the Remembering, resting in a faith that is sometimes rock solid, other times ephemeral as gossamer wings. Darlings, I know for many of you these times are so much less then easy. Hold my hand and we’ll keep the faith together.
I am also experiencing a lot of emotions, tears of sorrow at lost opportunities to love, of joy for deep connections, of my heart opening deeper to loving more, of unnamed grief, of thankfulness to my ancestors, sorrow for the ways I was not seen. It is such a mixture of emotions that I must ride moment to moment, taking whatever arises with all the grace I can muster.
Interestingly enough my computer decided to move this to the end of this blog. So I’ll go along with that and hope this new tool may tickle your fancy. This is a fun tool to play with, curtesy of Matt Kahn, TrueDivineNature.com Try embellishing whatever is arising with enthusiasm. So if you are miserable, be scintillatingly gorgeously miserable; angry, rage and curse the heavens and all the gods, despair, be at the bottom of the barrel. He said ego and enthusiasm cannot co-exist. I played with it and found it to be true. I heard him work with a few callers who moved from incredible despair to crazy laughter. I tried it myself with the heavy feeling this morning. I made it soooo heavy and the next thing you know I was smiling and laughing. Another little tool to play with. Sounds crazy I know but give it a whirl. I find myself increasingly smiling when I ask how is it possible that I am so amazIngly abundant, successful and adored. I suppose that means it is now in the familiar category of my mind, moved from the subconscious and unfamiliar, thus unaccepted part of my brain. Play with it and see what happens.
This is an awesome look/take on what is taking place. Especially love the part..”if this was a job we would all have quit by now”
Yes I often say I am employed by the Divine and while it is a fascinating job, the benefits vary. Glad you appreciated this. hugs
Also I had fun recently celebrating my rage, quickly turned in to giggles. We truly cannot hold two such diverse emotions simultaneously. Had forgoten about the Matt’s tool but it is similar to one I learned as a therapist. Try it, you may like it.