On specialness and innocence:
Decided to post on this as at least three people close to me have gone through something similar in the last days. Key relationships may be under scrutiny. As we commit to innocence and exiting the ego thought system, not all are committed to the same goal. As we form tribe, community, family around those with the same goal, the contrast becomes more apparent. To be held innocence no matter what appearance of error arises is the “secret sauce” that supports us in self forgiveness. Yet when others without a similar goal attack or threaten the very core of the relationship, perhaps even leave, we hold them in innocence too knowing it is just the ego rocking the boat. or sometimes the contrast becomes too great and we must leave. We may have to feel heartache or, in my case, be willing to face a deep seated loneliness that can arise as we let go of key special relationships or they let go of us. Some may survive and join us, some may not. We must allow the feelings of grief that may arise.
For me it has been a truly holy experience. As someone close to me attacked me for “error” and questioned my very being along with the relationship I knew not to go into defensiveness (yea, I did a bit anyway.) My Youniverse supported me by having all other friends unavailable, being hot and smokey outside, pinning me so I could dive deeper into the bunker of the ego thought system to witness a key obstacle has told me over and over, if others don’t love you, love is absent. This time it was not so difficult or terrifying. A miracle buddy was going through the same thing at the same time and gave me the key word for the obstacle, loneliness. I had to be willing to surrender this relationship for the highest good, a key relationship in my life, be willing to see if our goals could align or not. Interestingly as I allowed my self to dive into the pit of loneliness it as though I fell through a trap door and arrived on the other side with a holy encounter with mySelf. I dove within and found something substantial was there to sustain me, hold me, love me. I encountered my very Being, my Holy Self who is always there, merely hidden by the obstacles to Love. (Interestingly my miracle buddy had a very similar experience at about the same time- coincidence? Me thinks not.) Specialness has just been on the table for me and coming from all sides which I know is such a gift and miracle to release even more pockets of that gooey stuff. When I encountered my Self, a joy and strength emerged, holding me as I have never been held. The next day I was super woman as I also care-fronted one of my most long lasting fears and took action in the exact opposite direction as what ego directed, taking a H U G E leap of faith. Why? Because as Trust develops in mySelf and I know this aspect as a living, breathing, sustaining, inherent, eternal, glorious Truth, nothing can threaten this. As ACIM says something along the lines of nothing real can be threatened, nothing unreal exist. Yup. Holy cow, to finally KNOW this, what a ride. Yes, it takes incredible commitment, yes, it can be a bit bumpy (ha) but really what else permanently solves all problems?
