Yesterday I experienced a feeling of unease, uncertainty, doubt that was rather strong at times. I adore how I was able to stay with it, not make myself or those feelings wrong. Yes, I welcomed them with some definite reluctance but there was not an inner war or all out battle to be rid of them. I think of how I have befriended so many difficult emotions in my life. In this case I see how the past is darkening my future. Because a pattern has been there for 28 years, I feel challenged believing it will really shift.Yet I have shifted so many difficult patterns in my life, many that were life long. So yesterday I could sit with them, sometimes prowl with them without freaking out. To feel the energy in my body, to not move into self rejection, simple but not easy. How often I fought my own experience, such a relief to have so much less inner war.
I am aware it is a time in my life for another major paradigm shift, from being more contemplative, silent, solitary to being more active, productive, expressive. I have gone through these major shifts before and never find them easy. Luckily this time I am not adding the additional burden of self rejection for how challenging I find it. Instead I adore my courage and vision and keep on truckin’. I have learned one thing for sure, whatever the challenge, the answer is always the same, more love not less. I do imagine a world where we are all doing the same.
remembering the joy of being
