My attention right now is powerfully given to my event Adoring Ourselves just for the Joy of it. Join us if you’d like. I am finding it extremely useful in helping me anchor more self love and revealing anything that stands in the way of it. It is proving to be an extremely powerful practice. A post from today. https://www.facebook.com/events/750235611755440/permalink/754294198016248/
Each year I choose a few qualities to focus on. This year, with the support of a technique from Matt Kahn I am focusing on them daily; they are innocence, abundance and trust. My primary word was innocence as it is so key to me but by now it is so well integrated within I am thinking of replacing it with joy. So the two areas still giving me a little trouble are trust and abundance. I see ever more clearly how these two are intricately intertwined. Yesterday because I could not access UTube as I wanted to help make cleaning my room a bit more fun, listening in the background, I re-listened to an old channeled message I’d had done for me. It clearly stated the reason money was not yet flowing in my life was so I learn to trust the Universe/God and KNOW it as my Source. Money IS NOT my source of security, freedom or safety despite the tons of indoctrination all of us have received that it is. This is not an easy one to break yet the Universe is intent on my getting it so I say yes and amen. I have known this was the issue for some time but in the past wondered if I was good enough, doing things well etc. All of that has disappeared, the only question remaining is to trust that Source, the Universe, God whatever word works, at 100%, I’d guess I’m somewhere around 75-80%. I also know I can not control or make this trust happen. I do trust the Universe is bringing me exactly the circumstances I need to develop that trust fully. I adore how trusting I am about trusting I will learn how to resolve my remaining issues with trust!
I also want to mention a few important things. I am sure you are aware how intense the astrology is combined with so much solar activity all of which activates any unhealed places within. It is NOT you, you are not crazy, lazy, mistaken, off course, inadequate, doing it wrong, the only one not getting it, the throwback-NO NO NO NO NO NO. this is all done by design. For me one of the most painful parts was thinking all this suffering was being brought on by my being a failure, a mistake, something wrong with me, not at all! Why this suffering has to get so intense, who can say, I sure don’t like it. On the other hand all the suffering has made me clear I don’t like it. It is said the Universe works with contrast AMEN! I sure don’t like suffering so I am super focused on how to stay away from it. Yesterday I saw I had a tiny choice point when things went haywire. I could feel it, allow it WITHOUT suffering or I could follow the upset down the rabbit hole into suffering. Hard to but into words this distinction yet I have learned to feel VERY uncomfortable feelings WITHOUT suffering. It just is what it is. This is what the master’s mean when they say loving what is. Did I love how I felt? Hell no. But I FULLY allowed it to be as it was without pushing it away, diminishing it, denying it. We can NOT control how our nervous system reacts yet over time by simply ALLOWING it, feeling what you are feeling, it heals itself. Anything not felt is stored in cellular memory. Feel it, it dissipates. Now about 90% of thing that used to drive me berserk now have zero impact on my nervous system. Now that is FREEDOM! So yesterday I sure felt my stomach drop about 10 stories in 3 seconds. It is funny I was concerned how I’d feel with my daughter gone so long. I now see it was so perfect as it gave me a love-a thon period to spend luxuriating in adoring myself with few distractions, so perfect. I would have waves of love sweep over me that brought me to tears, like the old falling in love with a man days. I could not have planned the timing better and of course, my intuition did it all. I planed this event for this time about a month ago and then actually forgot about it until the day before when I whipped it together. So perfect. I also was shocked how strongly I reacted yesterday as I am quickly forgetting how painful and how much suffering my life contained until now; I am truly forgetting it! Hello, it was just weeks ago yet to have that old pain resurface sort of shocked me. I am trying to write my experience down day to day as I get that soon i won’t remember any of it, the suffering will just be gone, totally forgotten. So darlings feel it to heal it. I adore how dedicated i am to my mission. I rarely resent that thus far it has paid me peanuts in terms of money but boatloads in terms of freedom and love.
p.s. spell check is under the influence so forgive any unedited post.
Savannah Hanson