sexuality

I had a lot of very difficult experiences in my 20s. I worked for the railroad and was one of the first white women-all three categories. They didn’t have a uniform for us even. It was a summer job which I later did full-time. I had men pull knives on me, climb into my bed in the dorm, etc. etc. etc., there was no telling someone and then there would be some kind of repercussion, some kind of support . It was a freefall. I actually said free for all but freefall is more accurate maybe. I used to get burned plates in the kitchen when I refused to go out with men, phone calls at the hotel in the middle of the night,, knocks on my door, people trying to climb into my room, etc. turns out I put a Band-Aid on all of this and tried to call it a mute point. Tried to bury it in a freeze. Not so much.

 I feel deep grief for misunderstanding my wasband on so many levels, particularly when we were in Turkey and he was livid when Muslim men would try to touch me. my sister got stoned in a small village in eastern Turkey despite having a scarf long skirt long sleeves. There’s a lot that’s here.

There’s so much going on on both sides at least what I witnessed in this group. May we all have the greatest compassion as these deep wounds surface for transmutation. For me, the experience felt like a bit of an exorcism. I feel profound gratitude that this is being looked at at least in these groups with such kind compassion and gentle holding.