processing?

Noticing so desiring this and not sure if I keep pulling myself back into a trauma/ drama loop or if something is arising that needs to be seen/ lovingly witnessed. Feel like I am missing something where I could jump the game, shoots and ladders style. Like on the edge of awareness yet something lassos me back in to the old game of processing rather than creating. Got eyes on this, let’s see where it lands. Holding all with compassion and care.

fyi this smacks of the ideal self of “A Course of Love.” I will be done with processing exactly the second I am and not before. Hopefully this lifetime. This is not something that can be forced yet it can be intended perhaps. My experience is we don’t let go of conditions, addictions, experiences, that let go of us.