Yes I know. Ultimately I’m gonna have to let go of all identification with Savannah if I want to be free. I know I know. But now she’s still here at times. Sometimes she’s driving the bus, sometimes she’s hanging out the window waving her arms and shouting with glee, sometimes she slamming on the brakes, sometimes she throws us into reverse, sometimes she practically drives off the edge, sometimes she’s in the backseat taking a nap, sometimes she’s under the bus, sometimes she’s on the roof in incandescent joy celebrating the stars. One day in divine right timing she’ll stay in the backseat until One day she disappears. Until then I’m going to enjoy the heaven out of her. So glad I picked such an interesting and colorful character to play.
On Thursday I had the opportunity to put to use all the skills I’ve learned training on a leadership Academy for over three years. I thought about posting what had happened. And then I thought some might come in with a conscious or subconscious idea that I was ego aggrandizing. And that pissed me off. Why? Because I have spent so much of my life trying to be the ideal self. Bah humbug. And then sometime this summer I threw out that bullshit. For me ego bashing Is similar if not identical to good old Catholic guilt and sin. Just the New Age version.
So read no further if you don’t wanna hear me celebrate what for me was a powerful moment. I’ll be right back with that moment which I’m going to copy it off of the place that I posted it because I’m too lazy to write it again. A girl needs her hammock time.
here it is:
I want to share what for me was a powerful moment using the skills I’ve learned here. At the sauna yesterday a man was ranting along the lines of ain’t it awful and we’re going to hell in a handbasket. The sauna was quite crowded and I saw what appeared to be people cringing. A man started beating a drum beat on his seat seemingly in response.
Finally when I became uncomfortable enough I asked the man if I could pause him. He appeared startled but stop speaking. I told him my why which was that I wanted to relax in the sauna. I named my visceral response to his words which was increased heart rate overwhelming heat and a feeling of being pushed back. He started defending himself and I acknowledge the validity of his words. I told him simply that I wanted to relax and his expression was making that more challenging for me. He sputtered to a stop.
I saw a woman when I named that I just wanted to relax nodding her head vigorously. Outside of the sauna the man who had been beating a drumbeat acknowledged he had been doing it to mitigate the intensity. My friend told me how powerfully the man’s intensity had been affecting her solar plexus. For me to be able to speak up in such a situation felt like a moment of triumph I wanted to share.
