Want to play writing about a theme that’s been with me for a long time, money. I was speaking with a friend the other day and I called part of my relationship to money a parasite in my system. why? Because I see the way I’ve been a puppet to it.
Standing at the top of my stairs over a dozen years ago trying to convince my then husband to talk to me as he stood at the bottom of the stairs from one second to the next I saw how I was a puppet to this relationship. I saw how I would shape ship to try to keep it alive. Even though at one point and for many years I knew it needed to shift to a completely different relationship.
So money. I never had that much interested in, it certainly not making it. So I’ve been willing to live quite close to the bone and then doing extravagant things like going around the world but only spending $30 a day for two people. I think it was 2017 where I felt like I simply had to get a job that I wouldn’t like in order to have enough money. I even applied. I didn’t get any of the jobs. Big surprise. 
I have a small private practice and facilitate a lot of groups. I do a lot for free. I do what I love. And it doesn’t bring in that much income. Thus the seeming dilemma.
So how is money a parasite in my system? I see how I’m a puppet to it at times less than ever but still so. I see how it can create fear. I see how in our culture it is deeply ingrained with survival of course and that’s one of the easiest ways that we can be manipulated. I see how the need to get it has so many people doing things that are not life-affirming.
I played with abundance for many many years. And I would say I have an incredibly abundant life on one level. Very important level. I live as I wish.That’s a huge freedom. I’ve had so many miraculous things happen with money from receiving large donations to being gifted extravagant experiences. And yet the thought and concern and worry about money keeps popping up. Until I have a lived sense of abundance that is not linked to money my sense is I will never be totally free. Play in progress. since this is the button the matrix loves to push, we as a civilization I sense need to face and move through this. In so many ways money has become a God. And thus it can be easy to manipulate an entire society by playing around with the supply of money. I fully recognize that even if I had infinite money that would not be the answer. At one time I was what I would say rich. And still I worried about money.
What’s interesting is when I played the game I never thought about money. When I had an income and paycheck I never thought about it even though my first job as associate editor of a magazine called entrepreneur my take-home pay was I believe something like $447 a month. But I didn’t worry about money because I knew it would come on a regular basis. And then when I had a good paying job I certainly didn’t think about it. But as soon as I broke away from a traditional life, the money fear entered and has remained to some greater or lesser degree. It’s less now than ever. And my guidance is telling me it’s now time to get completely free.
I’ve changed my relationship to money. I realize it’s energy. yet I still play the spend as little as possible so you don’t have to think about it game. And that works pretty well until big expenses come up.
So I’m ready for a new relationship with money and a deep internal knowing of embodied abundance.  I realize it’s fun to play with money I simply don’t wanna be its puppet.
I don’t actually like affirmations but I do like the phrase oodles of abundance so I’m using this image.
And sitting with my own post for a while, I realize that I need to break the one to one relationship between abundance and money that still exist within me. I’ve already broken down a lot of it but I sense there’s more
