Frequency and resonance

Been sitting on this one for a few days. One of the last meditations in my luminous awareness course was regarding power differentials that can occur in parenting, teacher to student, therapist to client, facilitator to group member. In it she referenced how if we have a charge with someone who is in a position where we have the power, our charge will influence that person even more strongly.

I’ve always felt energy pretty intensely. But particularly over the last months I’ve received a lot of judgment. Happily I’ve had the chance to often discover the reasoning behind the judgments. It seems in almost every case it’s because something I’m doing is activating that person’s nervous system. So I’ve been told that I’m too intense, too fast, too much, too emotional. Luckily in almost every case I had the good fortune to find out that they had a parental figure that exhibited one of those similar characteristics. So it’s very clear to me that their charge has really nothing to do with me.

And I’m sitting on a charge now. It has to do with Joy. It has to do with me feeling uncomfortable spending time around people who are perpetually unhappy, sad, but I called sourpuss. I’ve done my best to own it. I understand that ultimately it’s my responsibility to zero point this. I recognize the reason for my charge is because I have devoted so much of my energy and intent to move towards Joy. I made a vowel to discover how to be a joyful human. It has not been an easy path for me and I noticed resentment sometimes with some people if they seem devoted to their sadness. Trust me I understand. I spent much of my life feeling like a victim to anxiety. But I have energy like a ex-smoker being pissed off at smokers.

Yes I’m also aware of another dynamic. A number of times this year I’ve had a great fortune to be around people who felt like they were in a similar frequency. My nervous system completely relaxes and we often have incredible experiences of Unity laughter joy connection and intimacy. So I’m very aware that when I’m with similar with someone with a similar frequency there’s often incredible harmonic residence.

Lately I saw a lot of photos of people who were in communities that I used to be in. They look like they’re having such a good time. But the harmonics were simply not right for me. I used to judge myself because I couldn’t fit in. Now I know it is a question of energy.

I’m remembering some friends the freedom train who camped here. I’m remembering the numerous attempts they made to create community. If I understand correctly in the end they realize they could only create community with very few people who were on a similar energetics. That makes total sense to me.

I’m aware that if I am facilitating a group and if someone is irritating me, they certainly feel it consciously or unconsciously. I notice I’m not judging myself but I am very committed to zero appointing these energies. This post is one step I was guided to take to help me get very clear about it and to move the energy. I admit this is one I want to fix or change. Play in progress.

Below are pictures of some of the things I’ve enjoyed in the last 24 hours. I admit I’ve been on a bit of a shopping spree. Most of my shopping which is pretty seldom is at thrift shops. Beautiful things bring me short term joy. Sitting next to Jasmine while eating lunch, heaven on earth. I know these are things that are temporary but they do bring joy. Also I had three or four in-depth conversations with strangers today and two or three casual conversations. I have an intention To acknowledge people when I see things that I appreciate and to extend joy and love wherever I can.

Normally I get irritated if anybody gives me any advice but in this case if anybody’s found a way to move beyond this dynamic, I would be curious. I suspect only the usual formula will do it, time and attention, awareness and willingness to feel the discomfort.