For the last six weeks or so I have been intending to stay curious when others judge me. I intend to not take it personally and stay impeccable in my word, not react with judgment or blame, not even with my tone. I reminded myself 100 times during the group to not take anything said personally. I am so glad I listened to Ruiz’s first of the four agreements yesterday, it was like a banner in my mind.
It has been super challenging. Just now I was in a group where several people were expressing judgment of me, one quite powerfully. I did not have any particular energetic alliance in the group and yet I stayed seated, grounded. Feels like a huge soul contract ended. I was able to NOT take it personally, allow the powerful physical manifestations to pass through, not blame the characters, take ownership of the responses in the body, know that I was doing it to myself to set myself free. I feel a megatronic sense of celebration and relief that this previously debilitating belief it is not safe to shine my light is being liberated within. I have never in my life received so much judgment, been a rather continuous stream for several months. I have previously felt constricted, willing to hide the Light under a bushel basket rather than risk the judgment or criticism. No more. I feel my Light has been judged in so many ways. Yet this time it did not land, this time I did not judge my own Light, this time there was no trauma although a lot of tears. Huge huge huge celebration!!!
One of the things I still experience as both curious, sad, yet somehow amusing is people report feeingl constrained by my sensitivity. Since I cry easily, they seem to feel restricted from judging me and share how much they want to bring some reactivity yet feel limited, feel seemingly frustrated that this sensitivity some how limits them from doing that. Sometimes feels a bit daunting in my hopes for having a loving world yet I trust the play is well in progress.
