My core value is moving beyond separation into Unity, the unified Field. When anything arises that is not that I pay a lot of attention, giving it space to integrate. Just got to play with one way this is showing up in the now. Got to play with it in a group where we were instructed to campaign for 5 minutes. Seemed so counter to my intent to only say do what aligns so I had a lot of resistance to it this morning. But thought why not play?
I shifted from someone I feel sadness/ grief to a situation of annoyance. I have a story that some of the people I facilitate in circles are emotionally unavailable, express zero vulnerability, little to no transparency, no willingness (from my point of view) to reveal themselves. Since the practice is about getting each others worlds, it makes no snese to me and I get frustrated or bored. So in the exercise this morning despite thinking that the exercise was counter productive, I let go of the reins and went into fully throttle complaining about this dynamic, how it is a waste of my time etc. Fully expressed myself with vehemence and a lot of laughter. Then the questions were what really matters to you, what do you truly want? Expressing this core desire to move beyond separation the light went off.
It is the same dynamic that keeps playing out with a cherished love one, the same major dynamic from childhood. Even typing this I am seeing a deeper level I literally never saw before. Deep compassion for self is arising. Yet here is the kicker for me. Until I bitched about it and gave it full vent, I did not see how I was doing it to myself, but REALLY! I now see I WAS THE SOURCE OF THE SEPARATION, not the other. I was choosing to see the behaviors that a clearly a defense, a protection and then creating meaning and subconsciously choosing separation. A real eye opener for me. FREEDOM!
