Just came from a powerful experience in a group called alter egos. I have real eyes-ed so much in this group, playing various parts of myself and seeing how viscerally the parts respond. I can explore these patterns intellectually and think about them yet until I get it in an embodied way that drops in to my heart, they hang on.
So been playing with discovering how to love the two characters in my life that “hurt” me the most. Just wrote a column about the secret of salvation being that we are doing this to ourselves. Yet it was only in witnessing another trying to bring her love and desire to be met emotionally to someone who I could energetically feel had no space, no capacity to go there before the final piece dropped in. I had danced with the awareness in the mind for some time but now my heart flowed with true compassion. I felt the unkindness of asking someone to do something they are literally incapable of doing, meeting me emotionally when they have zero to little access to their emotions. Eureka! Freedom! Can let them be as they are and drop the charges, let them out of childhood wound jail.
It has taken me a lifetime to be spacious enough to know I am here to meet my own feelings and needs until they fall away. Love how ACOL says our needs will fall away once we know they will always be met. Tall order for most of us given how little our needs and feeling were honored as children. So much compassion for all of us.
Was in a group yesterday where so much rage was boiling. Yes to being enraged that our needs could not be met. Yes to finding the space within to hold myself through the torrent of grief that arises to witness this. Finally yes to opening my heart to the seeming perpetrator for playing that role so beautifully. I have literally spent a lifetimes, a million lifetimes coming to this awareness. I intended to get it before the solstice. Made it in the nick of time.
I honor my inner child Suzie for insisting she be heard BY ME! Blessings to each of us as we transverse this fluid territory. Wishing each of you a blessed solstice. Yes to not prizing the light over the darkness but accepting ALL of it as neutral.
Many thanks to so many of you who reached out to me with your wisdom and insights. They served me so greatly.
