Today is my daughter‘s 22nd birthday. My life shifted on its axis when I learned of her existence August 7, 2000. By the time she was two weeks old, we were in Guatemala City with her meeting her for the first time. By the time she was two months old we were living with her first in Guatemala City and then Antigua until the adoption was complete.
When she was born I made a vow that as best as I can tell I have never broken. I vowed to love her unconditionally and to see her innocence. As it says in “a course in miracles”, once you see one person’s innocence the jig is up. (that’s not a direct quote.)
It’s been a total ride for me. When I realized at about the age of seven that she was the same Enneagram type, an eight, as the most challenging relationship of my life I knew my work was cut out for me. Again and again I had to dig deep into my own shadow material to see what was activated by our relationship. My deep commitment to her innocence and unconditional love was the jet fuel I needed to break free of so much of my own shadow material.
One of the biggest things coming up recently is to really really get her world in a way I never did before. Anybody who knows me knows about my obsession with birthdays and gifts. And yet this year I was finally able to hear that she didn’t want to celebrate it with me or at all. I could finally hear that with only a minimal attempt to fix or change that. I could hear that she didn’t like presents in the way I did/do and that she preferred cash. It’s kind of shocking to me to recognize how long it’s taking me to hear her and not filter her worldview through my own. I call her a force of nature because she is. It took such a strong person to stand up to this formally controlling bossy woman (me.) I saw it so clearly in her before I could see it myself. Talk about soul agreements, there’s a zillion packed into this little package. To say I am grateful does not begin to do it justice. Her name is ciela and that’s because she’s a gift from heaven. I knew it then I know it now and it will remain true for me until my last breath and beyond. I adore you.
