I just had a session with someone and she has given me permission to share this part of her experience. When she was four years old she was in a hospital. She was told not to move or cry or it could kill her. She was not able to see her parents for two weeks. She complied totally and they praised her repeatedly for being so good.
Finally her parents were allowed to see her but only briefly. After they left she started crying. The nurse said to her something along the lines of, my oh my you had been being so good what’s going on now? She received the message that her tears were not welcome. She stopped crying and rarely allows herself to cry now. Yesterday in a group i facilitate called Wild Hearts, she was held in the quantum field of group support and allowed herself to grieve deeply all that’s been happening in her life recently. She’s finally giving herself permission to cry.
Imagine being four years old and being told your tears are not welcome. And maybe the fact that she’s British was a factor because I know certain cultures are more or less accepting of tears. To me grief is incredibly powerful medicine. I’ve had perhaps five or six experiences of life altering grief. Afterwards the sense of expansion was immense. And yes sometimes the grief is truly crushing to the extent I wasn’t sure I’d get through it. In all but one experience I had human support in holding with me in the field. In the other instance I had my tree friend support me as I clung to his bark in the pouring rain.
I welcome the grief I welcome the tears. May we all extend that kindness to each other.
