Grief

This one is in the midst of a grief hangover. Yesterday the experience of grief was so vast it literally felt unendurable, exceeding the human capacity to hold it. Luckily it arose at a time where the grief was held in Presence by four other beautiful hearts. The words were spoken, this is unbearable, this is beyond the capacity of the body to hold and yet it must be held because it is here. A lighthearted joyful mood was overcome by news of bombings in the Ukraine.

Years of work learning to bear the sensitivity of living on a dense planet where cruelty is not uncommon came flooding back in. The last two years of finally accepting being human, being willing to ground in to the earth, in to the body seemingly swept away in an instant and only a feeling of pure grief remained. Grief was the totality of experience, no thought, simply a flood of sensation overwhelming the body. Afterwards was guided to lay prone on the deck covered in blankets breathing the freezing air, warmth from the sun soothing the face, breathing deeply for over three hours as the sensations continue to arise and pass through. Only grief, only sensation.

Today an inquiry, what prevents connection? For this one it has always been the seeming cruelty and unconsciousness of some humans that are certainly capable of commanding worldwide attention. The question continually asked, how to be with this without looking away, without moving into numbness ( a trick of decades of life that are not now desired) with full allowance and yet without the hit to the body, the body aches alive over 24 hours later. How to be human with an open heart? First of course continue to discover any places within that are at war, in conflict. Then the question remains and the Mystery always supports, providing the exact circumstances that organically leads to an embodied answer.