I recently had a friend comment on how I sometimes put the human at arms length, separating the I AM from the human. She mentioned the duality of this. I was reflecting on this just as I woke up and real-eyesed it would serve me to put what is arising for me into words.
It was winter solstice of last year I was guided to lay naked on the rocks on this property. Believe me, I protested, not least because it was cold. Yet the instructions were VERY clear so I did it. Thus began a much deeper integration of the human through a continuous, since then, process of grounding.
In fall 2019 I met a man who told me continuously, you are not Savannah. So for the first part of my life I saw myself as a person named savannah. That was who I was. Yet a process of awakening showed me I was much more than that. So when this man told me I was not savannah, hurray! Let me completely leave that messy human behind, how freeing! This man was very instrumental in supporting me in claiming my Divinity, knowing beyond thought that I was truly Christ consciousness. He was fabulous in his support of that aspect of my Being. I played with that for about half a year. Fortunately for me this man was very black and white. He refused any association with the human until for me it became absurd and I finally recognized how cruel it was to negate the human. So I said goodbye to all of that.
OK, so I am human and Source. How to reconcile that? I kept favoring the Divine and was DEEP in spiritual ego, cruelly at times still suggesting people negate their experience and simply keep their attention on the benefits of knowing the Truth of their Identity. I see many ACIM students do this. As Ken Wapnick said, don’t go to a Course student if you are sick or need to go to the hospital. They’ll give you a lecture and no compassion on the way there as you lay bleeding. I saw this just recently.
OK, I am human and Mystery. Over the last months my awareness of mySelf as Source has grown and I am in clear dialogue with my soul who revealed His name as ZorrA. Wayyyy cool. Yet I still experienced ZorrA as separate from me, internal yet not One with. Was the same when I called it Source, whatever. Now it was no longer outside of me like when I was a child who saw the old man God as up on a cloud. Now it was internal yet still separate, i.e. the split mind. Yet I think it was last week for maybe a day there was no internally separation between me and Source, me and ZorrA, me and Holy Spirit, me and Christ consciousness, call it what you will. Holy smokes, now we’re cooking!!!!!!!
Ok so back to my friend’s question. Why do I write and speak in this fashion dividing the two? I do so because that has been my experience. Internally, there is me (savannah) and my soul/Source. I can viscerally feel an inner distance. Yet for that one day there was no distance. So then I could write/ speak as my friend suggested, to only speak of them as one. For me, if i do that before it is my embodied experience, I try to be the ideal self, ahead of where I actually am in the time/ space continuum. I Know organically this awareness is evolving rapidly. I suspect one day soon I will be able to say truthfully, I am One. Until then, I find it useful to speak from my current level of awareness. What a ride! So scrumptious to SEE all of this unfold so rapidly.
