To live in relationship is to accept what is happening in the present moment and to let go of all judgment. This is my reading today and it totally fits. I am in a process of deep transformation that parallels one that occurred a decade ago. I didn’t expect to find such difficulty again. I don’t jump for joy seeing how raw this period is for me.
But I’m done with rejecting what is, with rejecting any aspect of myself that is currently alive. This includes feelings of incredible vulnerability and neediness. Talking to my friend Ellen the other day I realized all but two of my mentors have been men. They point me to the eternal but somehow don’t seem to include the human. They tell me it’s all in my mind and that’s true. But in this process I left behind the human and the body because yeah I know I’m not the body. Yet I live in a body and I feel in this body.
So I’m done with putting one ahead of the other. I am both and. I am the elevated self in form. And I’m done with trashing the human hoping for some spiritual miracle to take me out of suffering. All I know is day by day I’m going to do my best to love this Savannah exactly where she is. Maybe I’m only done with spiritual bypassing because I no longer have the energy for it. To have had somebody meet me in my humanness what a gift. I’m sure it’s because I finally accepted my own neediness that another person accepted it in me. No longer willing to be the spiritual warrior without clay feet. I have to trust this process is taking me where I need to go. Yes there are moments I’m not at all sure I’ll survive it. So it is. If you want only love and light I suggest you unfriend me. I’m no longer Willing to unfriend myself for any reason.
