A friend was posting about coming into full appreciation of her quiet life. I had something similar pop through yesterday. For most of my adult life, I felt like I did not fit in, didn’t get this being human thing and frankly wasn’t all that interested. Yet now something is shifting day by day. For 11 months I am on a platform where the intent is to be present with no need or desire to fix or change. Shew, for a psychotherapist, that was no small shift. Yet it has brought endless rewards.
Recently my daughter had two major financial and emotional challenges back to back. With her partner, they created a Go Fund Me. I had the courage to send it to two blood relatives. One respond with what felt like twenty questions. I interpreted that as her questioning my choices and possibly even my values. At first I got pissy and wanted a sharp retort after about the 10th question. I sat and came back to balance yet something remained unsettled.
Yesterday I had the chance to share sacred space with a group of friends I consider to be able to hold in Presence. I was guided to share the sorry not knowing why. The tears alerted me to something significant unfolding. What I saw was that the person judging my choices was me.
Since 1987 I have lead a counter culture lifestyle, quitting my lucrative and interesting job. I followed inner guidance and vision yet felt very much outside the cultural norm, choosing values that did not include security or financial abundance. So now I was not in a position to just give my daughter the money (which I might not have chosen to do in any case who know). I did not have a choice and this proved to be benevolent, my new focus. When the situation occurred I went from freak out with accompanying physical discomfort to choose to TRUST and see benefit, It is not easy to be different from almost everyone around, at least for me. Only in 12017 did community begin to form around me and is slowly continuing to develop. Most is international. The point is I was judging my own lifestyle. Since sitting with that grief, a slow and deep appreciation for my values and willingness to live by them, whatever the cost has emerged. I salute ALL of us who make those courageous and often seemingly alienating choices. I bow.
I found this figure on today’s walk. So symbolic of this one who, until recently refused to ground, to fully enter being human. Given the word chaos, separation, fear, no surprise. Yet since December I am choosing to ground and embody. Perhaps I will make this figure some legs!
In the kind time, my daughter paid for her dog’s surgery by begging and borrowing. Over 2/3 is uncovered. Should your heartstrings and or pocketbook call out YES, here is the information for her Go Fund Me. SOOOOOOOOOO much gratitude to those who have already generously contributed sooooooo much! huge heart hugs.
